Un. Cool.

I feel like garbage. I slept for ten hours last night and I'm so sleepy I could pass out right here at my desk. I believe I have another cold, Cripes, it's only been 6 weeks since the last one. This one is different though. the last one brought tons of congestion and snottiness. This one just hurts. My chest, head, throat, and stomach hurts from the constant sneezing and coughing. I've been short of breath for about two days and breathing very shallowly to keep the hacking to a minimum. I'm typically a yoga breather, I breathe deeply, comes from years of choir and yoga I guess, but it's making me dizzy to be breathing so differently now. I've almost passed out twice today.

I'm actually kind of miffed by this version of the plague-y non-sense that is being passed around. I'm not feverish, and my blood pressure and pulse are pretty normal consiering how short of breath I am. I don't have a ton of sinus pressure, I can breathe through my nose, but I do have a migraine-ish headache with pain radiating all through my scalp, but nowhere near my sinuses. I am sneezing and coughing and my throat feels like I've been swallowing glass...wierd.

I am going to go to the gym today and try out the elliptical, hopefully I can still do my typial 45 mintues even with the shortness of breath, but I'm going to take it a little slower than usual. Maybe the feel good stuff will help me get through the chaos I get at home. am I alone or is it really hard to be mommy when you are sick?

Today I Love...

Anna Nalick


This song is on my "Going Home" playlist. The list of songs I listen to when I'm dealing with something hard, even if I'm not driving this song describes the mood on a weary journey back to life as usual. Anna plays a huge part in that list. She's the artist I wish I could be, alas it was not to be.

Lets Talk Candy

I love candy.

I always have and will love candy. But I love it in small doses. I don't buy it often and typically I throw some of it away because I don't eat it all before it becomes stale/inedible. I don't buy regular sized candy bars, I prefer bags of minis and a bag can sometimes last me two or three months, because all I really want is a taste of the candy, not to be full from it.

Chocolate was never my true love, its yummy, but I don't need it, not the way some people do. I love fruity candies, sour patch kids, mike & ike's, gummy bears, skittles, and laughy-taffy. Before I started eating differently I would buy bags of these candies and they had Tupperware containers in my kitchen devoted just to holding my candy. A bag of sour patch kids could last two weeks, because I would grab a few and that was enough. When I changed the way I ate I stopped buying candy, I wanted to avoid temptation, since I figured being on the "diet" would be a shock to my system and I didn't want Jeeves to come home and find me in a sugar coma on a pile of wrappers.

Last week I got a box of Mike and Ike's in my stocking, Santa apparently remembered that they are one of my favorites. I looked at the calorie listing on the back and discovered that a portion (23 pieces of candy) was about 140 calories. I decided to do an experiment. I opened the box and put a serving into 4 little baggies. I put one baggie in my purse and put the rest in the cabinet. I brought one of the baggies to work yesterday and set it on my desk. I worked out my food for the day and worked in those 140 calories, for a total of less than 1700 for the day. I gave myself permission to eat an entire serving of my favorite candy. It was lovely, sweet, fruity, tart, and enough. It was enough to have that one serving. I didn't want anymore when I was done. Today I did not want any so I didn't bring any to work.

I look forward to the day when I don't have to plan candy, when I trust myself enough to eat intuitively all the time. That day may be a long way off, but I feel like I'm on the right track.

My food today is going to be light and warm. I've got a can of progresso light soup. I've already downed my slim fast latte and then I'll have a protein bar before I go to the gym. I brought an apple and a banana in case I need to munch, but even if I eat both of them I'll still be under 700 calories for the day, then tonight I'm making chicken stir fry with veggies and brown rice for dinner. Very low cal, around 500 for a serving, which is light on the rice and chicken and heavy on the veggies.

Hope everyone is feeling energized for the coming year and all the weight loss possibilities we will be presented with. I'm ready for it. I will be 28 in 22 days, and I have some wicked goals set for myself in the next two years. Watch out 30! here I come.

MONDAY!!!!!

and the holiday insanity is officially over.

I am going to admit two things today.

1.) I over ate this weekend, I think Allan might be the only one who didn't. But that is sort of not important.  My holiday was lovely. I saw people I don't get to see often, made up with people that I've been feuding with, and spent almost the entire day on Saturday in my pajamas. We didn't go out and visit people on Christmas Day, we let the munches stay home and play. My In-laws came over for breakfast and then Mutti cam eand had dinner with us. I made our favorites, with a healthier twist for me, and I didn't feel sick or guilty once. I think that means I've made it through the holiday successfully.

2.) I have already worked out my list of gifts to begin making for next year, each year I intend on having gifts finished and ready to go well before the week of Christmas. Yet, every year I end up sewing until the wee hours of the morning and wrapping gifts as we are running out the door. Well, not next year, no sir. In fact I am going to make that my resolution. I am going to be done making Christmas gifts by Thanksgiving next year. There, I have made my first New Years Resolution ever.

Many of my family members commented on the change in my figure since last year. I was pleased, it felt good to have people notice. They all asked me what diet I was on. I couldn't help but laugh, I answered one Aunt by saying that I was on the ELCSYA diet, she seemed confused so I elaborated, Eat Less Crap and Shrink Your Ass. That got a huge laugh. I'm not on a diet, I have changed the way I live.

Ha! last night one of my cousins told me I was shrinking into nothing (this was after the chocolate peanut butter ice cream pie slice that I savored with glee), then he yelled at me to eat something as I got in my car; thanks, Adam :0)

My weight this morning 188 - again, but hey, that's better than what, 240-ish last year.I have photos, but since I'm typically the photographer, I have no good one's of me. I wish I had known I was going to be doing this, I would have made Jeeves take better photos last year and then gotten some better one's this year. Anyway, here's me on Christmas Eve, not a great pic, but I was excited to see how thin my arm looked.


And then just some random cute - courtesy of the munches.


Here's them playing on saturday


Inside of this!


Here's Pumpkin and Booger with Mutti


We call this the "Booger Dance"

Again with the busy-ness

I'll be back after Christmas, I have much to do and not enough time to get it done. I'm bugging out of work early today, to go buy some fabric to make the munches each a turtle rag blanket. This is after going to lunch with the co-workers and then going to the gym, yeah, really productive day right?

I hope everyone has a lovely holiday and I'll have lots of pictures to share next week. I love my Christmas outfit this year, nothing festive about it, but it's a whole lot of really cute.

Frohe Weinachten Everyone.

I had to share this picture of Booger, this is her irritated face :0)

Who you calling easy?

Tom came for a visit this week,(joy) and brought with her a wicked craving for chocolate. Thus far I have been able to resist the urge to gnaw my way through a box of truffles, but it's been close a time or two. In the spirit of changing my habits and way of eating my response to a craving has been to get busy and do something. When I finish a task, cleaning, gift, whatever: I re-evaluate and if I still want something sweet I indulge in a small protein bar. (larabar makes great minis and at about 80 calories the price is right) At least then I'm getting good stuff too.

In related news: my closet is clean, I have no dishes in my sink and I am very close to finishing all my Christmas gifts.  I've kept the calories low every day this week and with my workouts, my deficit has been pretty high. Amazing considering this time last year I ate cookies as a meal a few times.

Speaking of which, I've been doing some evaluating of my habits prior to making this change. I didn't gain fast, I gained steady, about 2 pounds a month for 2 years. I did eat a lot of junk, but I'm not a binge-er. When I cut out regular soda, candy, cookies and chips from my everyday diet, what I eat now doesn't look all that different portion wise to what I was eating before, granted I make better choices now, but the amounts are very similar(probably the reason I don't feel all that deprived) I now know calories basically off the top of my head, the math I do while eating looks a lot like what the real totals are at the end of my day. I don't have trigger foods, I don't have issues with self control, I even like healthy foods.

My only excuse for becoming fat is distraction. I didn't pay attention. I'm not going to lie and say that there was no stress in my life, but basically I'm a laid back chick, I take the path of least resistance.  I believe I let my habits get bad because it was easy. I have a full time job, and it was easier to grab 2 packs of ramen noodles for lunch everyday(800 calories in that meal by the way) I wanted to spend time with my kids when I got home and it was easier to eat peanut butter and jelly and chips for dinner every night. I enjoy candy and beer and it was easier to just consume until it was gone than figure out what a serving was and how it fit into my day. I've started to think now about the things that have become easier since I've lost weight.

It's easier to walk up stairs
It's easier to feel pretty
It's easier to walk down the street alone
It's easier to wake up in the morning
It's easier to meet people's eyes
It's easier to climb in the back seat
It's easier to run and play with my babies

That's the path of least resistance, make living easier.

Mutti

Since my girls were first born we have been readers. My mother began the tradition when I was a child. We got books every birthday and holiday. When I began having little one's she continued the tradition with a priceless addition. Each Christmas and birthday the munches get a storybook from Grannie. The book always has a handwritten note from her talking about her favorite things to do with the one who receives the book and how much she loves them.

The inscription always make me cry, happy tears of course, and they are precious to both me and the girls. We keep them put away from the other books, and take them down to read them but put them up to keep them safe (booger is a book destroyer right now)

I have started doing the same for my girls, I look all year to find books that speak to me and remind me of my girls. This year I got one for Booger called "I love you Stinky Face"

This is funny because my current nickname for her is stinky girl, not because she stinks, but because she's spoiled rotten. The book is great, it kind of reminds me of "The Runaway Bunny." I loved the Margaret Wise books when I was a kid. Pumpkin's book is called, "Mama, will you hold my hand?"

Pumpkin is hand holder, she enjoys the freedom of walking with me instead of riding in the cart at the store and I guess we taught her well because as soon as she pops out of her car seat, she puts up her little hand and says, " Hand please!"
These books, like the one's from Grannie, will sport notes from me to my little one's and when they get older, it will be hard, but I will let them take them when they move away, so they can read the things I wrote about them when they were tiny, and be reminded of how much I love them and how much fun we had.

Well this week I got an unexpected surprise, I got a book. I am not going to talk about the note on the inside of the book, but it's called  "If I could Keep you Little"

The story talks about the unique joy of watching your children grow and explore the world, and realizing that even if you could keep them little forever, you really wouldn't want to. I don't usually get books, but this one seemed like it had been written for Mom and I. The poem talked about doing airplane feet, writing, singing, camping, crafts...It was uncanny really, I sort of wanted to look over my shoulder and see if the woman who wrote the book had been stalking me.

Anyway I love my book, I read it to the munches last night and bawled, they thought I was sad, kept kissing me and saying, "It's okay Mommy, I promise" (they think "I promise" is a comfort term, not an actual pledge) they are such lovely children. a blessing in my life, as much as my mother is. I am so fortunate to be so close to and loved by such an incredible woman. She taught me to be a Mommy, not a mother, a mommy. A toy-playing, loud-singing, airplane foot-flying, cookie-baking, Jungle-gym-climbing, baby-snuggling mommy.  I am so proud to be both her daughter and their mother. It's nice to be reminded, at this time of year specifically, what a blessed life I lead.

Thank you and I love you, Mutti

Awwww, Come On?

Really, really...yesterday I weighed in at 188, rocking right? then this morning I'm back to 191, what the frack!!! I didn't sit in front of the TV downing Doritos or anything so what the hell is going on here???
I sort of want to go get an egg nog milkshake and just say screw the diet this week...

Did I fool you? yeah me neither, I am up again this morning, pretty sure its all water (cause my food was sodium city yesterday) and I'm going to flush it in the next few days. I am going ahead with a second week of 1200 calories, and have very ambitious gym plans this week. Work is kind of dead for the next two weeks so I am going to hit the gym hard, everyday if possible. Holidays wear me out I need the energy rush from a good run and I need the happy hormones that workouts give me.  In light of my less than frantic week I have decided to up my elliptical time from a 30 minute workout to 45 and add a few more sets to my weight training routine.

I am behind on gifts, I had a wonky week last week and got almost no presents done. But I have re-prioritized and have been granted an extension on a few families because of traveling. I still have a few things to do for Jeeves and the munches, and a particularly time consuming gift for mutti to put final touches on, but I think I will make it. I have made a puppet show for my girls, it's a curtain that hangs in a doorway to make the stage and puppets go in little pockets along the back of the curtain. I really can't talk about the stuff for Mutti or Jeeves, cause they both glance at the blog every once in while.

Alright, I'm off the flush out some sodium and water, I've got about 30 ounces in already, it's going well today with calories too, I brought a Mojo bar for breakfast and carrots with yogurt dip for lunch, I will have another protein bar pre-workout and I have some grapes for afterward. Then I'm making tilapia and green beans for dinner tonight. If all goes according to plan, Meals will be less than a thousand calories for the day, then I'll have some air popped popcorn tossed with a small amount of olive oil and Mrs. Dash for a snack tonight with the munches, they love the stuff. Looks like a good start to the week.

Keep breathing folks the holidays will be over very soon.

P.S. I just got my blood test results back and my thyroid levels are completely normal, I have been symptom free for over three years now! That's pretty amazing.

So Much Fiber!!!!

I had a Christmas party at work today. It was a potluck and there were plenty of temptations. In the end I picked a plate full of veggies with fat free yogurt dip (the dish I contributed) and about a quarter of a cup of pasta. Pretty good considering there were caramel brownies there, yeah, I resisted, but i did smell them, and pine...

Then I came home and ate more veggies, some grapes, a small plate of midwest white girl tai style cucumbers with red chili paste and about a cup of brown rice. I am now suffering from fiber overload. My tummmy is bloated and no more water will fit. sheesh.

Now I am baking cupcakes, a friend turned 36 this week and we have a party planned tomorrow night. This party is annual blowout, lots of friends and coworkers get together and a good time is had by all. So I offered to bring the baked awesome this year. I do not plan on eating any of them. All 24 will make it to the party tomorrow, iced with pecan coconut fosting. So tomorrow when I arrive at the party I'll not only be 24 cupcakes heavy, I'll be 41 pounds lighter than last year when I went to the same shindig.

Stupid Busy

This has been the week from hell. I have been at work for at least 10 hours everyday, it is frickin freezing and I have not been able to get to the gym. I need some exertion and since it's 487 degrees below zero and I have munch duty as soon as I'm off work I can't go for a neighborhood run/jog. Also I have a birthday party this Friday so I have to miss zumba. I have responded to this sluggishness by taking Allan's few day 1200 calorie challenge. I originally intended on keeping my own minimum calorie for life amount but felt like the lack of actual intentional workout necessitated some new diet action.

Yesterday was just alright, I needed something to keep me awake while I was working from home so a protein bar at about 8pm put me at 1280 calories for the day. I love protein bars, a few of them taste good enough that they satisfy my candy-crave, plus I am getting some good stuff too. I believe they are going to remain part of my forever diet, like the slim fast lattes.  I didn't feel deprived yesterday which was mostly because I ate about three bowls of skinny soup during the day; warm, full of veggies, and spicy = just what I needed. I also drank like it was going out of style, I must have had 7 cups of hot tea on top of my water and breakfast shake. Peed like a lunatic all day.

I am going to try like hell to make it to the gym today, I need to run, my legs are getting restless, and I want to get my new shoes this weekend.

Dieting While Crazy

This should be a ticket-able offense.

I'm the final stages of the slog toward christmas. I have lists, and lists of lists, and lists to tell me when to use what list. It seems that I an having some significant focus issues and while this is by no means a new problem for me it is compunded by the holiday season. Yesterday I stayed under 1600 calories by the skin of my teeth. I hardly ate anything all day long but then Mutti took me out for Wendy's and a Bacon cheeseburger was calling my name.

It's been months since I've had a cheese burger, and now I know why. My stomach was sitting on the side of the bed this morning when I woke up. She smacked me in the face and said I deserve everything that is going to happen to me today. The rumbling coming from my midsection is intense to say the least and I have indigestion like nobodies business. Ick!

I have discovered that I don't digest beef well. Chicken and fish are just fine, lamb is okay and pork I have no issues with, beef however, causes me issues. So Where's the Beef?

Not on my plate anymore.

Lady Bits Doctor

I had my yearly appointment today and it was...un-eventful. Everything is normal provided my blood tests come back normal as well. I'm glad that's over with. I hate that appointment.

My head feels much better today. Thanks for the well wishes Stephanie! A diet energy drink helped me get through the little bit of leftover pain this morning and now I'm doing much better. I typically avoid energy drinks, I used to have a 2-4 a day habit, which I broke when I went cold turkey for 6 months in 2009. My morning coffee is usually enough to keep the headaches at bay, but yesterday I forgot coffee, suck!

My weigh in today was still 191, I know I have been under 1500 calories all week, because I've had no appetite, and I've been working out regularly. So, I'm not sure why I haven't lost more. Maybe what I did eat was just too full of salt that I'm still retaining water, even though I'm guzzling like a gallon a minute.  Whatever, I'm still losing and my clothes keep fitting better so I must be doing something right. I got  new cup, it's a 52 ounce behemoth and two of them make up my fluid intake for the day, but today I've been through three of them, and I don't even feel water-logged anymore. It feels normal.

I spoke with the MD today about my weight loss, she said that what I'm doing is exactly what I should be doing. I even asked if 100 plus ounces of fluids a day was too much and she said no, in fact your body needs fluid to work properly. It felt nice to be validated by a medical professional. She also said I'm good to go to have baby #3, I asked about dieting while preggers and she said I'd have to increase my calories to 1800, but at that amount I can still lose. She also said I can keep working out, I've been doing it long enough that it's part of my routine and not doing it would cause more harm.

I have lost 41 pounds, and I am never going to see them again, because I have changed my life, and even though yesterday was questionable; I feel amazing.

Ninja and the terrible, horrible, no good, really bad day

Rundown:
8am-12pm: sewing christmas gifts, and downing water, no food
12pm-2pm: Made skinny soup, had the annual holiday "I'm too damned busy for my own freaking life" meltdown, and cleaned the kitchen.
2pm-4pm:Light snack of popcorn and crystal light, followed by vacuuming up the giant bag of popcorn the munches had strewn about the living room.
4pm: realized I'd had no caffeine for the day when the first wave of dizziness hit
4:15 till now, ridiculous, nausea inducing, pass out when i get upright pain that has spread to the point that it hurts to swallow. That, and a big salad for dinner.

I sort of want to die now, but instead I'm going to down some naproxen and go to sleep, and hope to Jesus this breaks before tomorrow.

I'm a Liar

I'm also a huge scatterbrain. My driver's license went missing and I had to get a new one, which sucked, a lot. But when I got my new license with the new skinnier ninja picture I was happy as hell. Then I realized that I still had 170 as the weight listed on my license. I'm such a liar, I never changed it from when I first got my license in high school. How many of you have really wrong weights listed on your license, and how many upon gaining a bunch would go in and sit in the tiny uncomfortable chair and announce, becuase there is no privacy at the DMV, that you had gained 20,30,50 pounds??? Not many would be my guess. I weighed in yesterday and it was 191. another pound down, hopefully my weigh in tomorrow shows even more gone, who knows.

Someday soon I am going to be the weight my license says I am and then I will be lower, It'll happen, at which point I am going to go in and demand a new copy with the lower weight listed on it

Booger's Day Out

Booger, my youngest.

I feel like such a mommy failure. I had to take my two year old, Booger, to get immunizations yesterday and because we were overdue she had to get 4!!!! two in each arm, her poor little skinny arms are covered in band-aids and I cried the whole time. (I am, in fact, crying right now, thinking about how awful it was for her) I hate having to hold my girl down so someone can hurt her. She held on to me so tight afterwards and I just kept apologizing to her because I felt so mean. It was very stressful.

(This was not last night, but you get the idea.)

But then she and I went to the store and she got to pick out some cookies for her and her sister to share. She picked oreos and they made a huge mess (crumbs -everywhere-) but she felt much better by the time she was done with her cookies. I see myself subconsciously doing portion control with them. I used to just let them tear into the cookies but last night I gave them each two (a serving) and them put them away. When they asked for more I gave them each a half of a banana and they were just as happy with that. I hope I am teaching them good eating habits, I don't want them to feel like I'm "Crazy Diet Mom" but I also don't want to be to lax and let them develop unhealthy habits.

I couldn't eat all day yesterday partly from being so upset about having to take her to the evil clinic and partly because I'm still feeling bloaty and gross. I had a glass of milk and a bowl of grapes last night, and even that made me feel too full. maybe my stomach shrunk or something. Not sure what the issue is, but I'm feeling kind of blech. Not really nauseous or ill or in pain, just yucky. I'm heading to the gym today, with great music for my half hour on the elliptical. The crunches have started hurting less so I'm going to add another set or two. Maybe the gym will fix the yucky, I hope so.

Roast Beast

Yesterday was my first day of the SSDDDLMNOP challenge. I feel as though I have done pretty well. I came in under on calories and over on liquids, but at the end of the day I felt bloated and uncomfortable. I blame the brocolli. Then I stayed up late working on laudry and holiday projects. aside from the Munches dresses none of them are really "done" yet, because I have this tendency to start 12 things at once, really gotta work on that, hopefully I'll get some done tonight.

I was watching glee last night and the kids sang the song from "How the grinch stole christmas." I have always loved this movie, and the munches and I have watched it at least 12 times already this month, really. This is a great version of "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch". As I watched them singing the very pretty song, I wondered what the hell they were saying. It's easy to let it pass when cartoons are singing and you can't really see their mouths moving, but when people are singing it's a little more obvious that its mostly gibberish. So I looked up they lyrics. I really gotta hand it to the folks who wrote the music, turns out pretty music can cover for a song made up entirely of baby-babble.

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Come this way!

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome Christmas,
Christmas Day.
Welcome, Welcome

Fah who rah-moose
Welcome, Welcome
Dah who dah-moose
Christmas day is in our grasp
So long as we have hands to clasp

Fah who for-aze!
Dah who dor-aze!
Welcome, welcome Christmas
Welcome, welcome Christmas Day

Thanks Dr. Suess, you never fail to create words that make me feel both nostalgic and confused at the same time. By the way, is that wocket in your pocket...or are you just happy to see me?

Ravenous

empty, starving, famished....freaking hungry!!!!

After seven and a half months of my new diet plan I am hungry. I have never felt hungry like this before and not given in to the urge to chow(probably the reason I got so heavy in the first place) , and since I started dieting I have not had a day where I felt as empty as I do today. I am snacking on veggies at 10am because I am not going over my calories today. I have a plan, and it's to be 185 by christmas and that will not happen if I blow this today. I have already taken in about 30 ounces of water plus a 44 oz slimfast latte. I should be full but I'm not, what the french?!?!

I have developed a daytime meal plan to get me through the next 4 weeks on the Aqua Guru's Challenge. This is something I can maintain because I have a much easier time controlling my food at work, I have a slimfast latte for breakfast its under 200 calories and is 44 ounces of fluid. I wasn't counting this toward my water intake for the day, but Allan says it counts...so, groovy I guess that means I'm extra hydrated. Then I have a  light soup for lunch and a protien bar before the gym. It works out to about 560 calories for the morning, which then leaves me open to either have a great dinner on days when I do workout, or a smart dinner on days when I don't. I typically make the soup, its a skinny soup with tons of veggies, but it doesn't photo well and I forgot it in the fridge this morning so my backup can of progresso light is on today's menu. I plan on keeping this up, even after the challenge, in the summer I'll have salads instead of soup for lunch. Skinny people don't eat ramen noodles or cheeseburgers for lunch everyday, so I won't either.


I also bought some new clothes this week, a pair of size 12 pants that don't fit and a few shirts that do fit, I have officially sold my apartment in frump-town. I bought some boots for 5 dollars at the Salvation Army and they are brand new, still had tags!!! This is me in my office this morning. I have been in this ffice for over a year and have yet to decorate my side of the room, I'm going to change that. After the holidays when I can craft for myself without feeling guilty I am going to make some decorations.

Blah Humblog

I really don't have anything witty or exiting to say today. It's Monday and I'm at work, which is a drag. I worked hard on Christmas stuff this weekend including putting up my tree




I am in the midst of completing about four hundred projects for gift and as soon as they are complete I will be posting some photos. Feeling a bit frazzled today, much to do and very little will to complete it. I had a high salt weekend, calorically not bad, but the water I am retaining could probably fill a baby pool. So I'm guzzling today and have taken a water pill because I'm uncomfortable. I sort of had a final drinking hurrah on saturday. I have decided that booze is bad for this diet, so until I get to my goal I am going to limit myself to one drink if I'm at a party or something, and no drinks otherwise. Why ask for trouble right?
I'll leave you all with this really cool shot of the tree, I -love- my new camera.

Who's That?

I dressed for work today and took a little more time than usual with my hair and makeup. More than usual being that I actually did my hair, and am wearing makeup. I left the house and three times today I have freaked myself out because I didn't recognize myself in the mirror. My face looks so much thinner compared to the pictures I have of me this time last year.


This is me today, 12-3-2010
This was me last year in the begining of december.


The satisfaction from these pictures is astounding, worth way more to me than cookies or doritos, or donuts.  "mmmmmmm....donuts....."
(sorry, had a Homer Simpson moment there.)

Since Christmas is a time when a ton of photos typically happen, and as a way of keeping the season bright, does anyone else have a before and after they'd like to share?

Stop the World!

I need to get off...

Cripes it's been a busy day and this ten mintues to post is about the only sitting I get to do for the rest for the day. I am off to the gym for a workout, then home to cook dinner, clean house, do laundry, make munch christmas dresses and put up the tree. Phew that looks like even more now that I've written it all down. But Jeeves is going to help and workouts always make me feel like I can take on the world  a little.

I found a great red sweater at the goodwill today and I am going to frankenstien convert it into a great embellished cardigan for the Ninja Family Christmas Debacle, otherwise known as the day we try to get a family picture done.  I'll post some before and afters when I get it done. 

Alright, I'm out, the elliptical and great music is calling me, as is the cookie dough protien bar I've promised myself post workout. Hope everyone had a less hectic thursday than I did.

PS I looked awesome today, and I found two pairs of size 14 pants and the salvation army last night for 2 dollars a peice!!! yesssssssss....

Emma Pillsbury, Eat your heart out.

Allan commented yesterday asking if the book he asked for from the other branch had arrived yet. I examined my wardrobe last night when I got home from the day the fashion died and realized I have a serious sweater addiction. But not in a cool, hip sort of way...no, not like that at all...

So I am going to turn my tendency toward cardigans into something positive and make it a style I can rock, hot librarian style. And this lady is going to help me. I want to live in her basement and collect the bits of fabulous that fall through the cracks in the floor. She is awesome and someday I am going to have that kind of cool style.


In hopes that I can rock this new look, I am going to make this tomorrow.

Swagger: Party of One

Yeah, feeling less frumpy today, thanks to Allan for giving me a push in the right direction. I need a style and sexy librarian is one I'm going to try out. HA! I bet I can pull it off; the right mix of quirky and prude, I'm going to need my sister in law for this one, she has way more style than me...
Here's me Today

Yeah, I shouldn't do that thing with my chin, but it just sort of happens sometimes.
Well, I am off to the Salvation Army to find some new duds and bring the sexy back (yes, I just made a JT reference, so sue me)

Frump-town USA

You know who lives there?

This guy

(can you see the big water stain on the front of my shirt? I was washing my hands and the sink decided to suddenly get more water pressure, whoo-pee, now I'm ugly and soaking wet, great...)

It has come to my attention that I do not own enough attractive clothes in my current size. When did my wardrobe devolve into this grannie inspired, sweater filled, frumpy nightmare? Un. Cool.

I worked out yesterday but my heart wasn't in it because I didnt have my IPOD and I work out best with great music. So I'm heading back today (avec tunage) for some more gym time. I am still feeling kind of bloated but the scale is not reflecting any water weight gain so maybe the oceans of water I've been downing have paid off.

Hope everyone else is having a better day, I'll just be sitting here damp and frumpy, waiting for some fashion cop to cite me for unessesary un-attractiveness.

Apologies, Appeals and Appreciations

Dear Ass,
I am sorry for the workout you will have to live through later today. I realize I am punishing you for my own eating indiscretions, however, in battle of me versus you, I am going to win.

Dear Stomach,
You are going to suffer today as well, we were not good yesterday and today you are getting less than 1200 calories, there's no sense in whining about it, I've said my piece...and I can't hear you growling over the IPOD so you can just cut it out.

Dear Confidence,
Thank you for getting me through the dumps I was in this morning and helping me realize what I can do to fix the problem, I'm glad you kicked depression's ass and that we are such a good team now.

Dear Left Foot,
Please try not to go numb while I am on the elliptical. I will do my best to keep you moving and change positions, but when you go numb it throws a wrench into the process.

Dear Pants,
Thank you for fitting this morning and helping me realize that copious amounts of mac and cheese momentary setbacks do not need to alter my pace or define my life. I want you to call your smaller friends and put them on notice, I'm coming...

Dear Nickel,
Thanks for the shirts, I am going to wear one of them today when I work out, I think you know which one...

Full Disclosure

List of things that happened today:
1. Breakfast pizza: 1 slice
2. 4 hour Drive Home From In-laws
3. Wet Babies in car seats an hour from home
4. McDonald's, 4 chicken nuggets, small fries, 3/4 pie (i know, I know)
5. 2 Sugar Cookies
6. Blue toilet water dumped all over the bathroom floor by Booger
7. Macaroni and cheese, lots of macaroni and cheese.

I blame hormones and the fact that the rest of the holiday was just too awesome for the laundry list of suck that happened today. May I also add that I was up till 3 AM "assisting" with a school assignment. Right, I don't have to spell out that "assisting" means I was the only one awake working on a 5-7 page paper that will be turned in for a class which I will get no credit for, right? How do I get talked into these things... lol, actually, I offered. School work has always been very easy for me and this particular family member has been out-of-his-way helpful to Jeeves and I the last two years, It was nice to be able to help him out a little.

I had an NSV this weekend. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought some new undies and they actually stocked the size I wear. I didn't have to order from a catalog, I could buy undies at the cute-undie store, WOOT!

I was very thrilled to strut my size 14 at Jeeves's family's house on thanksgiving. Only his aunt really noticed but it felt good not to be the stay-puffed cousin at the celebration. It also felt amazing when I realized that I had set a goal, and reached it, I felt good about myself all weekend. til today, today kind of stunk, big time.

Early Christmas

Jeeves gave me my big gift early this year. He bought me a new camera on black Friday and we both wanted some really great photos of Christmas this year so I got to open it early!!!

He's so awesome...*sigh*

It's a Kodak easy share 575, and it's so pretty. I got some "hold me over" tennis shoes at wally world. They were only 12 bucks so when I go to the Reebok store for my new running shoes I will not be breaking my bank.

I did a workout on a new elliptical and it was a home version rather than the gym version I am used to. The machine belongs to an aunt and has a very nice feature that allows you to plug your tunes into the machine and it plays on speakers rather than ear buds. It was alright, but the gym version is a whole lot more forgiving, I was afraid this one was going to fall over when I really got to running. Plus it did not have an adjustable incline, which is a real butt buster, and is my favorite feature of the gym version.

Last week we took our tank SUV to have the brakes checked because it been jerking when braking from highway speeds. The guys at the shop were going to charge us 800 plus dollars because they said we needed to replace all the brakes and rotors. Needless to say Jeeves and don't have 800 just lying around so we called an uncle and asked for a favor/early Christmas gift. We brought the truck to his house and he took the first brake apart and there was nothing wrong with it, we can drive another year or two on the pads and the rotors are fine. We are going to have aster cylinder checked now because it is the next logical step. But it just made me so mad, why were those jerks at the shop going to replace perfectly good parts and charge us that much money? How do they sleep at night?

The Sweet Smell

Of Success, I bet you thought I was going to say something about pie didn't you. Hehehehe :0)

I weighed myself this morning, post-thanksgiving stuff, and found that I had dropped another 2 pounds, 193 stared up at me from the floor and I cried...for real. I lost 2 pounds in the last week and made it through a holiday remaining under my BMR for the day. I think I was crying because I realized I've done it, I have made a permanent change. I ate a small slice of pie and it was as satisfying as when I ate the whole thing. I had 4 ounces of turkey and it felt as good as when I snacked for hours on end.

At 193, I am now 39 pounds down from my starting weight of 232. I have one pound to go before I have lost 40 pounds. That's. huge.

I am going to get to 190 by Christmas, I will, and then I will be able to buy my new running shoes. Merry Christmas Feet!  I am all full of love and happiness instead of pie and stuffing, it's been a good couple of days.

Happy Turkey Day

While I realize there aren't many bloggers lurking on the Internet today I just wanted to do a short post about my favorite holiday.

I -love- Thanksgiving.

And it's not about the food, really. Mostly it's about the fact that its a holiday to be thankful. This year I am blessed to have so much to be thankful for. So in true elementary school fall play fashion I am going to tell you what I'm thankful for.

I am thankful for my children. Pumpkin and Booger make me smile and light up my world. They are hilarious, and I am proud to call them mine.

I am thankful for Jeeves. He is the butter to my toast, the batman to my robin, the rum in my coke, I love him, a lot.

I am thankful for my Mom. She is the coolest mom ever and I want to grow up to be just like her.

I am thankful for my size 14 jeans. They are the big shiny gold "look what I've done" badge and they make me feel strong and successful.

I am thankful to have a home. After a somewhat stunted journey to adulthood, I own a home. It's a mobile home, but it's mine, it's where my heart is.

I am thankful for this blog, and all of you. Your comments and support have been instrumental on this journey. I feel connected to you though we've never met.

I am thankful for my faith. It was in crisis for awhile but now fills me with calm and peace. I'm not a thumper, but I know the awesome contentment of a solid belief in Jesus Christ and how he has saved me from myself.

I'm thankful for slim fast, no joke, the creamy breakfast substitute has been a lifesaver. I believe it will become a part of my diet forever, like some people do with McDonald's... ;0)

That is by no means the extent of the things I am thankful for, but it's a good list, and I don't want to be too verbose.

Ninja Turkey

I am cooking for my family today. I am making a turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes and green bean casserole. The SIL that's coming is a vegan, so I am doing the sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and dressing, vegan. My task, because I chose to accept it, is to make it indistinguishable to my BIL. He's kind of a turd, and I want to trick him. :0)

I do the turkey with herbed butter rubbed under the skin and then I wrap the top of the bird in bacon, yep, bacon. I saw it on Tyler Florence's show last year and the first time I made it, it was like heaven. I do two types of sweet potatoes, one with sweet stuff(splenda and cinnamon) and one with old bay seasoning and olive oil: seriously, give em a try, they are amazing. I am making the green bean casserole from scratch using silk and veggies and a cheese-ish product. I am doing a vegi-based gravy also using silk and some veggie broth and she is bringing the mashed potatoes. Hopefully she likes it.

For the actual turkey day meal tomorrow I am making sweet potato cheesecake to share with Jeeves' family, it has a sour cream sauce drizzled on top and makes me drool. Not lo-cal but if I practice restraint I will feel as though I've earned it. 

What are your holiday plans this year, anyone taking the holiday off and eating at deny's?

the post to be titled later.

I did weigh in yesterday and didn't gain. I pushed in a bunch of water yesterday and am doing the same today. Since I'm less dizzy I am going to do my gym time today and have a morning Zumba class tomorrow. I figure I can eat well and exercise and maybe shed a pound or two this week in spite of the holiday. Luckily Jeeves family also usually has some healthy options for turkey day so if I pick well and eat mindfully, I will be alright.

If you use google reader and read my crazy early black Friday post I'm sorry, I was trying out the pre-posting option and didn't do it right. I'm not sure I will have access to a 'puter this weekend.

Got a nutty day going on today, lots to do and not enough time to get it all done. I am going to peel and cut my sweet potatoes today and prepare one of the sides so all I have to do is pop it in the oven tomorrow after the bird comes out. Allen, over at AGB gave some tips on brining and I'm going to try it.

I'm All Wiggly

Okay, I did actually log the calories I consumed this weekend, I am not proud of myself however I could have done much worse. The cushion calorie deficit I built up last week more than covered the over eating and copious vodka consumption. Today I feel a little like I've just gotten over a bad stomach bug. Nothing really hurts but I feel dizzy and wobbly. I am going to focus on getting lots of water and diet Gatorade today and probably won't even clear a thousand calories. The thought of eating something more than crackers or a protein bar makes me a little queasy.

I haven't weighed in today. I don't know if I will. I'm pretty sure with the booze and salt I am retaining a few pounds of water. We'll see. If I do weigh in I'll let you know what the scale says even if its not a great number. My rings and clothes still fit, so maybe it won't be so awful...maybe

I did an hour in the gym last Friday and have every intention of getting in there again today, unless I'm still icky when quitting time rolls around.

It's Monday so I'll tell you something good. I haven't been ill yet this morning, and it's looking like it might stay that way!

Prosit!

I can't post much today, I'm slammed.

I have enough of a defeicit built up for the week that even if I ate lard non-stop until no more would fit I doubt I would gain this week. I have pushed in all of my water already and will keep drinking for the rest of the day. So two beers and some chips and salsa are not going to de-rail me.

I am so looking forward to tonight. It should be a very good time.

Topic of the day: Cold

Point one: Today I am cold, I brought an -extra- sweater with me to work today and I am wearing it. yup two sweaters, plus some super cushy slippers that live under my desk and a lap blanket, cause I'm cold?!?
I used to be a hottie, this time last year I came to work in short sleeves, never wore an actual coat unless it coordinated with my outfit.  I only owned gloves and scarves for when I was playing in the snow. I also weighed 250 pounds. Now, the 195lb me is freezing, all the time, I wear socks to bed for crying out loud. not. cool... well, actually...:0)

Point two: I have a cold, I am sneezing, have a sore throat and feel like the front of my face is going to explode. I hate being sick and trying to get things done. I have a crap ton of, stuff to do today. In addition to a large amount of work, I also need to clean my house and prepare for the party I am having tomorrow. Colds don't tend to hang around long in my body but they hit hard and fast, yesterday I was fine, today I feel like a I have the damn plague.

Point three: Cold water is my new best friend. The fridge in my office building has an ice machine, so frosty -lemon flavored water is going down the hatch at an accelerated rate. I feel less puffy and both of my wedding rings now will fit on the same finger, it's sort of amazing. They are very thick bands so they have never been truly comfortable on the same hand, but at least now I have the option.

Point four: still f*#king cold!

Point five: there is no point five.

Point six: um, well, I've sort of run out of things to say about cold.

P.S. I am trying to up my commenting on other blogs, I had been lacking in this area. I can only comment from home sometimes, and its difficult because of some bizarre formatting nightmare with my computer. I try to spend a while doing it during my lunch break, but I'm sorry if I've neglected anyone. Also if I'm not a follower on your blog, please let me know, I am all about reciprocation.

What would you do?

for a Klondike Bar? ice cream sandwich? plateful of oreos? couple of beers,? order of nachos?

Turns out I would do alot of working out, I have a good time planned with some girlfreinds on friday night and will be spending the next few days watching my calories like a hawk and the next few afternoons hitting it in the gym and on the pavement to build up a big enough deficit to enjoy the festivities. I have no intention of eating all of those things, or of being a drunken fool, but I decided a good time was well worth a few days of restraint.

I made some chicken gyros last night for dinner, not exactly like the Greek treat I love, but similar enough that my craving has been satisfied. I typically eat mine with a fork and knife anyway so the change in ingredients didn't bug me at all. I took an Arnold sandwich thin, topped it with onion, tomatoes, 2 ounces of chicken I cooked on the stove top with a bit of olive oil and some Greek seasoning, and my homemade tzaziki. Well, not exactly tzaziki but close enough for me, I took fat free plain yogurt, added a cucumber, three cloves of garlic and some salt and pepper. It was delicious, and Jeeves who typically is not culinarily adventurous, even enjoyed them, so score! Plus at around 300 calories for one gyro, I could technically chow down on two of them and have stayed under my cals for the meal. I still have some tzaziki left over, so I think I am going to grill some veggies tonight and see if a veggie gyro strikes my fancy, sounds promising.

Leggo my Pretzels

that's what she said...

Giving them up today, I need a period of abstinence from the pretzels. I have been choosing to eat them in lieu of real food for dinner the last three days. I realize this is not a healthy calorie intake and I would benefit from a break from the salty, crunchy, goodness...*drool*

Sorry, back on topic, no more pretzels, for at least two weeks. This is my word and as such is beyond contestation, (hey, where did that line come from?)

Do any of my fellow blogger buddies ever look back through the rolls and wonder where all the words come from? I don't think I'm all that wordy in real life, but maybe I'm not such a good judge. I am constantly amazed that people are interested in what I have to write. I lost two followers this week, hope I didn't do anything to offend. If I did, please accept my apologies.

I'm going to try a video later in the week. I love seeing people's faces when they talk, it makes the blog entries that much more interesting because I can picture expressions when I'm reading.

Wait for it....

195!!!

You could have knocked me off the scale and I wouldn't have noticed. I sort of stopped breathing had a moment of zen.

Not so super lo-cal night

After my post, and leaving the office I met mom at Denny's and we had food, kept under 1700, but did get good food, eggs, potatoes, chorizo, cheese. Worth every calorie I tell ya. Funny enough, I joined Allan's water chugging challenge and the number of calories I allotted myself at the begining of this journey, 1700, is the amount I should be eating according to his calculations.

I did a fly lady thing last night and cleaned my dishes before bed. Again I was surprised by the feeling that washed over me while getting my morning glass of water from a clean sink, it was so nice. I am typically no good at keeping to schedules but I am going to try to make this habit, whats that theory, if you do something for 21 days it becomes a habit, I'll have to make a calendar for my fridge.

Had another pants incident yesterday, luckily no one was watching but having your drawers drop when you stand up is slightly disconcerting whether people are around or not. Also having an underoo issue, they are all too big as well, Guess I'm going to have to treat myself at one of the pre-Christmas sales at VS (a total hardship right?) I am a firm believer that pretty undies always make your day a little better.

I am going to weigh in today, I don't think the scale will have moved significantly but, I'll report back if it does.

Crunches and Books

I went to the gym yesterday and spent and hour there. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical finishing about 2 miles, and then did a variety of other work-out type things including about 50 crunches using resistance bands. I had not done many crunches during my workouts in the past but felt like it was tummy toning time and felt pretty great when I finished them. I was very surprised when at about 3 this afternoon this awful, sore, presidential fitness test from high school feeling came over me. Now every time I laugh, sneeze, catch a leaping toddler, or get up out of a chair I cringe in pain. I don't like this feeling, so I'm gonna do more crunches tonight, maybe not 50 but if I keep it up eventually it will hurt less, yes? I want to be able to show of my (future) tattoo and (current)navel piercing at the end of this journey so crunches are required.

I may have mentioned in the past that I shop a lot at the local resale shops. The goodwill is great for books as well as clothing. I'm no good at being a responsible library patron so the 70 cent paperbacks at the goodwill are much more my speed. I have been very into what I call the "Pink Books" recently. These are books written by women for women about things like breakups, dead spouses, love, betrayal and being called fat in public. They often are paperback, and have pictures of legs, arms, torso's, hands, never faces and usually something on the cover is pink, hence the name.  The most recent one I picked up is called "Good in Bed" by Jennifer Weiner. I'm about a quarter of the way through it and have found a kindred spirit in the main character. She's a writer and lives in the city, and she says things about her self like she was "hit with the fat stick." She witty and hilarious and gives an insight into a person with weight issues that you don't often see in books. The book talks about the emotional reasons for her weight without blaming them for her current situation.  Since I don't yet know how it ends I really can't recommend it yet, but it's had a good start and I feel so connected to this person already.

I Can Smile at the Old Days

What up my Ninja's!

Ha! that sounds funnier when you hear it in my mid west white girl voice, :0)

I had a high school flashback while sitting at my desk today. I am sitting here having a bit of breakfast, protein bar and water (exciting, I know) and a song from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack came across the shuffle of my IPOD on the radio here on my desk. I started singing along and had this very clear memory of being 19 and listening to this song in the basement of my best friends house, sitting on her parents horrid ugly orange couch and drinking my very first screwdriver. The memory caught me by surprise, made me smile and also made me remember that was the year I was the thinnest I've ever been as an adult.

I was a size ten that year, dating jeeves, in my sophomore year of college and working full time. I was probably around 155-60 pounds. Looking back I see how I lost the weight then as a un-intentional version of what I am doing now. In spite of the screw driver I was not a big drinker, and I ate from the school cafeteria, deli sandwiches and salads because they had those to go. I was always on the go, working 40 plus hours a week and 18-21 hours of classes as well. I don't remember thinking much at all about how I looked, I wore jeans, t-shirts and hoodies every day. Funny how looking back now I can see how great I looked. Why is it that we never see the great until it's gone?

I still own a t-shirt or two, and a few pairs of jeans from that year. My final goal in this journey is to get to 160 pounds, I wonder if they will fit again when I get there. I wonder if I will forget to remember the great when it comes back. Will I be able to keep this going, will I gain again? I tend to think not, but I bet that everyone else thinks the same thing.

My current loss is 36 pounds which means I am smack in the middle of this weight loss journey. I have 36 left to lose and feel like the next three months are going to be harder than the last six have been. However I also feel like if I do it, I will have beaten the fat, made the permanent change. I already surprise myself with food choices and the way my head works, perhaps it means I can sustain the loss.

I am going to stay in my pajamas for most of the weekend. I am going to use the time to catch up on some work, do a few walks, work on cleaning out the spare room and get started on the great gift-craft extravaganza. Anyone else have something great going on this weekend? 

P.S. I am making a charm bracelet to commemorate my weight loss. I am forming the charms out of polymer clay and attaching them to a beaded bracelet I have made. I searched and searched online but could not find anything like this on etsy or other websites. My question is, how many of you would be interested in something like this. I am looking for a way to market my craftiness and think I may have run across something no one else is doing. I have heard that WW does key-chains, tops does bracelets, but what about those of us not following a program? I think we should have a way to wear our pride in our accomplishments as well. Opinions?

Props to Allan

While I have not joined the challenge on Almost Gastric Bypass, I have been drinking 100 plus ounces of water everyday for the last week. I decided it was worth a try. My Thursday weigh-in today proved that the water is paying off. I am down to 196! That's 36 pounds since May 17th!!! and 2 pounds in the last week!

I really don't have much else to say, just really, really, having a way better day today then yesterday...

Happy Headache Hangover

Yay for alliteration! However today I am happy because I do have a slight twinge of queasy which is the sure sign that this headache has packed it in. So whoop-de-doo headache gone!

Now I sort of feel drained and groggy. But that's better than the alternative.

I'm wearing some questionable pants today. They are a brand called Bitten and are much more tailored then I am typically used to wearing. Almost every pair of pants I wear has boot cut or at least straight legs, these are tapered. They don't look bad but I feel, weird. I should really hush about the damn pants, yeah, I'll shut up now.

This weeks intended workout extravaganza did not happen because of the demon in my head, so starting tonight if the upset stomach settles, I'm going to start over. Luckily I've been in so much pain I've been unable to eat much, so the damage of no exercise has been minimal. I may not lose this week, but I probably won't gain either.

I need to apologize to Erin, I forgot to send her apron to her and it is now in the mail. Please forgive me.

Have You?

It's Wednesday and I'm supposed to makes some wishes but my brain hurts too much to wish, here's some have you's?

Have you ever gotten so busy, frantic and behind that you just start to feel dumb? Like nothing you do or say makes sense anymore and why don't the people around you notice that you are a great big lunatic? You realize that there's nothing to do but to do it, but you have no clue where to start, what to ignore, or what shoe is going to drop next. And when you start getting it together you find that you have to out yourself and in telling folks that things are done you are really tattling that you didn't do them sooner?

Have you ever held your child and realized that nothing ever felt as right as that baby feels in your arms? First thing in the morning, fresh out of a Johnson's baby scented bath, eating cheerios while coloring on the kitchen floor; it doesn't matter what is going on, it's the most important thing in the world if it's you and your babies. The cool softness of their cheeks, the clinging monkey embraces, knowing that you are their world because you remember your own parent being yours?

Have you ever had a head-ache for so long that you've forgotten what it feels like to not have a gremlin feeding glass into a wood chipper inside your head. It hurts so intensely for so long that you start to clench your teeth and scrunch up your face inviting all sorts of new agony. When the moment you wake up you are breathless hoping it will have broken during the night, only to discover that, no, it's still there...yeah...were in day 5 here, if it doesn't break soon I am going to the ER, this shit ain't normal.

Have you ever wondered how you will handle the next big tragedy that hits your life. Time draws out and you know it's coming, to whack you in the face and steal your breath when you least expect it. But you think about how you will cope and then chastise yourself, feeling guilty, because if you are imagining it does that mean you want it to happen? Or how will you look at yourself in the mirror if your shot in the dark fear turns out to really be what happens?

Sorry I'm such a downer today, guess I'm not getting enough sun after all.

Face-ache

So I've been moving around in the world with a migraine-ish headache that will not loosen up. Today it migrated to my face and every expression now causes agony. I think it's stress, and today will not get any better. I am wearing sunglasses inside my office, becuase the light makes me want to throw up. I am going to find a stay home sitter tonight. Did you ever do that? Ask someone to come help you watch your kids so you could take a nap? Well, it's not a bad idea. 

In spite of the headache I did manage to get quite a bit done last night. Many of my gifts this year are going to be hand sewn so last night I spent the evening at my kitchen island cutting patterns. I think they lie to you when they say that things are 1 hour projects, cause they don't count the time out spend cutting out the patterns. I hate cutting patterns. Mutti is always so amazed when I make things without using patterns, I try to tell her that it's really just a testament to my laziness, that not using a pattern is just a way for me to cut corners, but she still thinks it's cool.

In spite of my love of the craft I am not crocheting much this year, just a set of golf club covers and two pairs of slippers, and those will be done next weekend. Before I flood you with photos of the yule-tide preparations, is anyone interested in seeing the stuff I'm making? Of course I can't post the blank for my SIL (bet you thought I'd tell) or the blank for Mutti (he,he,he) but I can post a lot of what I do if Y'all want to see it???

Unneccesary Decibels

Jeeves' friend brought his little girl over to our house to play with the munches during the Dude-fest last night. I like the young-un, but it seems as though the addition of one child into the mix of my house created a level of noise I did not think three little girls could attain. Cripes, my head is pounding today. It made me wish it was light outside and I could kick them all out into the yard and let them run and scream till they fell over.

But then Pumpkin was so tired she feel asleep on the floor waiting for me fold a load of towels from the dryer that had been dumped on the bed. When I picked her up to put her in bed, she hugged me and said, "Mommy I love you, I'm just to tired" I think it was the first time she ever actually admitted she was tired. I should write this down in her baby book.  

It's only 9:30 and my head hurts, a lot. Sometimes I get these headaches that just make me ill. From what I've read about migraines, that' what they are, but I've never been diagnosed, so I'm not sure. It feels like my entire head is being squeezed and my eyes are going to explode, my jaw hurts, I'm nauseated, okay, okay, I'll stop bitching, it's just really difficult to complete menial tasks when you feel as though you are in the middle of an aneurysm.

With Halloween down and Thanksgiving fast approaching I am in full-craft mode. I cleaned out the craft room/office yesterday and organized my supplies to prepare for the great sewing adventure that awaits me. I am making gifts for almost everyone on my list this year, I love handmade Christmas, I am trying to show everyone how much I love them because I can't spend a lot of money, but I can spend my time, making something for you, showing you that you are important.  On the docket for gifts this year, charm bracelets, sewn treasures, puppet show kits, blankets, sweaters, and a grand shawl for a player to be named later.
Does anyone else do home-made gifts?

What makes me smile this Monday?
My kitchen was clean before I went to bed last night, I washed every dish, dried and put it away, I wiped down the counters and returned everything to it's place. When I walked in there to retrieve lunch on my way to work today I felt pleasantly surprised and weirdly peaceful because of the non-chaos I found, I am going to see if I can keep this up. The good feeling is so worth the 15 minutes of effort.

Great Pasta.

Tonight Jeeves had a dude-fest at our house, football, wrestling, and more testosterone than I am typically capable of dealing with. But these are good guys, they are nice to me and speak well of my cooking, which makes me love them a lot. I made food and played hostess and a good time was had by all thanks to my Bacon Cheeseburger Pasta. Don't make any mistakes, this is NOT healthy, it's made with bacon, grease, cheese and pasta. I didn't feel bad about having a small bowl of it though, I planned for this decadence and I enjoyed every cheesy lovely bite...

I've kept my calories down every day this week, but my exercise has been lacking. So, with some bone in my back and the knowledge that exercise makes me less stressed an better able to deal with the non-sense I am going to have at work this week, I am renewing my resolve and getting back in to my workout groove.


This week the weather is going to be pretty nice so my plan is be out in the sun enough to keep a smile of my face until friday.   How about all of you, what's your plan for this week?

Someone Else's Pants

You know that saying about walking a mile in someone else shoes? I think I prefer walking in someone else's pants. Shoe sizes, unless you have had a baby, don't change much as a person gets older. Pants sizes however, can fluctuate wildly. I recently received two pairs of pants from a friends at work. She said she doesn't wear them and they are a bit tight. I could tell when she gave them to me that she was feeling sad that she couldn't wear them anymore, even though I know she is my friend and is happy that I'm losing. I am wearing them today and feeling a bit sad for her, a bit happy for me, and a bit philosophical about pants in general.

I saved my biggest pair of jeans from the great fat-clothes exodus, I thought it would make a great before and after picture. But I am remembering when I was shopping for those pants, the awful sinking feeling of having to buy yet another, bigger item of clothing because other things just didn't fit anymore. I remember grabbing them off the rack and taking them into the fitting room, praying they would be too big. And then, when they fit perfectly, hoping people would never ask me what size I was, I don't like to lie, but it hurts a little to admit to people, like my Mom, that you have gained that much. I used to ask for clothing at Christmas, but in past years I've been asking for jammies and saying, just get me a 2X, they always shrink and I like them big anyhow.

Since I shop almost totally resale, it always took me awhile to get a wardrobe I really liked because things would trickle in a piece at a time. I am so happy that I get to go and buy smaller clothing, but at the same time, I spent a lot of time buying those fat clothes, finding things that made me feel attractive even though I was overweight. Each time I try on something that used to fit and is now too big, I have this incredibly confusing mash-up of emotions, Yay! I"m still losing, Crap! there goes another thing I really liked.

I shop retail, so I'm always wearing what used to be someone else's pants and I have started thinking about the reasons the pants end up at the Goodwill. Was this person unhappy with what I think are awesome pants? Were they gaining weight? Did they lose weight? Why did I end up with these pants? Whose pants am I wearing?

Whatever the reason, and whoever owned the pants before, I am glad they are mine for now, I'm glad to be walking in these pants, seeing the world from this perspective. I hope someday I can pass them along to someone else who needs to take a walk in my pants for a while.


Me Today, in size 14

Tag! You're It

So My good Buddy, The Fat Mom, sent me a challenge and I'm going to answer.

The rules of this game are to answer these questions and then ask 4 different questions of 4 other folks, so here we go.
1. If you had a penis for one day, what would you do?
-I would probably pee standing up once, and spend all day just looking at it, cause lets face it, those things look strange.
2. What would your pornstar/stripper name be and why?
-Boo Snugga, cause that's the goofy nickname Jeeves gave me for about a week after we watched a hilarious movie with Steve Martin and Queen Latifah.
3. If you would never get caught, what illegal activity would you participate in?
-The thing is none of them really appeal that much to me, but if I had to pick, I'd say racketeering, because it sounds like an evil game of tennis.
4. If you could change a part of your past, what would it be?
-I'd have gone to school and learned a skill as well as a degree. My education was expensive, but not as useful in the real world as I would like it to be.

So I'm Asking
Randy at The Low Band Width Diet
Dr. Fat to Fit
Laurie at Feeling Good Inside and Out
Shanilie at Losing Over Half of Me

The Questions are as follows.
1. What's your guilty pleasure food?
2. How often do you look at yourself in the mirror, be honest.
3. What habit bothers you the most? (think chewing with mouth open, blowing nose at the table, etc)
4. What is your favorite Christmas song.

Okay I had an NSV this week, here I'll show you....
My left hand last week

My left hand this week.


My Wedding ring fits again!!! I have huge hands, they are like man hands, long thick fingers, which are good for doing things, but not really very lady like. My ring is a size 7, and it fit when we bought it, and up to about 2 years ago.  It's still a bit tight and when I've had too much salt it twinges a bit, but it goes on and comes off, Huzzah!

NFNP's

My 100th Post, Holy Cow!!!

I had been suffering from some "diet drift" I was going right up to my total calories for maintenance and not really paying attention to the veggies and lean proteins. I wasn't eating like I wanted to gain, But I wasn't eating to lose either. I work in Human service and we are studying a new way of looking at "incidents." I have found that this applies to me in my dieting.

When incidents happen and people get hurt, you have to figure out why. The new approach we are studying is called Just Culture and one of the things it speaks about is "at risk behavior" Which is when people start to take shortcuts, ignore safety regulations and then something happens, and suddenly everyone sort of snaps back into shape for awhile, until a bit of time passes and the drift begins again. Just Culture talks about finding ways to reduce this "at risk behavior" ways to prevent the drift, internal checks, new policies, recognizing and addressing the risky behaviors, before something awful happens

I believe that I was engaging in "at risk behavior" last week, and now am working to put some new "Non-Fat Ninja Policies" in place in my life. I have identified to risky behaviors, they are...
1. Change in routine: This causes me issues because I typically do not plan ahead and when I find myself out with no good food, I buy fast food. (which is not as good as I remembered, so maybe it's a good thing I had some last week, now I won't crave it)
2. Poorly Budgeted Food Funds: I had a few unexpected things come up last week which cut into my fresh fruit and veg money, so we're going to try to prevent that in the future.
3. Trigger Foods in the house: I do very well when there are lots of good options and less awful ones. There was regular soda and baked goods in my house last week, both trigger foods for me, I tend to keep going back for them.

So the NFNP's are going to be thus:
1. Better planning when changes in routine are anticipated, of course I can't catch them all, but I can do better than I did.
2. New envelope for food funds, and since there is a big fridge at work, making a list of work foods for me; to ensure I have fruit, yogurt, sandwich thins and laughing cow for lunches at work.
3. Keeping trigger foods either out of the house, or frozen so immediate snacking cannot occur and I'll be forced to think about it before deciding to un-thaw something(weird, but this really works for me)

Do you have any food policies to keep yourself from drifting?

And now, before your very eyes.....

The woman who doesn't shrink at all...


Do you see a difference? The first is last halloween and the second is a week or two ago. It's hard for me to see one, but the jacket wouldn't fasten last halloween and it went with the rest of the fat clothes last week because now it looks silly on me because it's so big.

Halloweekend

Happy Monday all.

You will be happy to hear that I resisted all but one piece of halloween candy! I found that even though I had calories left in my day, I didn't even really want it...It was sort of amazing.

I ended up only getting one really awful photo of my Robin costume, So I'll get pictures again, ones that don't stink. I am going to post a few of the photos from trick'or'treating, but they really good ones are on mom's camera so I'll get those up later this week.

Pumpkin and Booger (holding hands, zomg so cute!)


Me And Booger


Jeeves and Booger


Pumpkin


I know Mom got some good ones inside, and one of the whole dino family. I am already thinking about what we are goin to be next year. I think we will be either the cast of Alice in Wonderland, or Bugs.

Since it's Monday, I'm gonna tell you something good.
I don't want to eat halloween candy, I don't crave it, desire it or even think I could eat more than one peice if it was offered, Hot Damn!!!

What a Difference a Day Makes

Friday rolled around and I took the day off work. I have to pull a few hours tomorrow, but thats cool, no biggie. I hung out with my kids all day. We worked on csotumes and went grocery shopping and basically had a great mommy and babies day. And now in the post zumba glow, I feel better.

I feel better than I have all week to tell you the truth. In spite of the fact that it is now 9:30 pm and I'm about to start cleaning up my house, I feel pretty great. Booger is sleeping, so its quiet and I only have a few more things to do to be completely ready for Sunday.

My Rocky Horror plans had to be postponed, our tickets fell through at the last minute and being Halloween weekend they are sold out. Bummer! But we bought tickets for next week and they are at the will-call desk. So I get an extra week (and post-halloween 75% off sales) to work on my get-up. Groovy.

I went to Zumba as the Boy Wonder, Robin of the batman series. This came about after watching Raising Hope (which is hilarious) and seeing the main love interest be a sexy robin to her Bf's batman. I am in the process of convincing Jeeves that it will scar me forever if he does not decide to be batman with me at some point, maybe tomorrow night we could bar-hop instead of going to RHPS??? Who knows, but he has to be batman, he just has to. I know, I'll just tell him it will lead to some awesome, erm, reading...He'd be in that costume so damned fast. I am an evil Genius, Bwah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha.

Alright off my ass and off to clean, see you all soon, and hope to be back on blogging track next week.

Oh, and as a hottie
1. 14 pants: still fit
2. Post a recipe: um, no...sorry
3. 3 hours of exercise: I've done about and hour point five, so far, but the week isn't over, so we'll see.

The Stagnation

Okay, so this has been a very off week for me. My posts are not consistent, I am having hard time putting together sentences and I am just plain frazzled. I have been out "in the field" at work and unable to lurk on my blogs. I miss you all and I am feeling some differences in the blogging, it seems the tone and frequency of the posting has changed. seasonal depression maybe??

I am frazzled at my own doing, I am something of a procrastinator (say it ain't so, right?) and I have allowed a few things at work to build until I really have no idea how to crawl out from under them. I'm plugging along but it is sometimes so mind numbing, just...ugh!

I am making an appointment tomorrow with my endocrinologist, as my hair loss and chronic fatigue have got me concerned that my Grave's Disease is flaring up again.

Also I am stuck, I have been unable to work out the way I had planned this week, and it's making me feel like my ass is full of pudding. I have to go to Zumba on Friday and I am going to force myself into the gym tomorrow at some point, I have to salvage this week.

Also, I have committed vile sins against the clean plate club guidelines and poured out an entire 12 pack of soda, down the sink, I couldn't give it away (no one would take it, trust me I asked)and I couldn't leave it in the fridge anymore, I am going through a rough patch and if it's there, I will drink it.

Cripes! What a day.
Oh! I forgot, I promised to show you the " Wall'o'Fat Clothes"

Let's Do

THE TIME WARP AGAIN!!!!

Holy Crap!
Halloween means rocky horror for the ninja and her mates. I am working on my costume this evening while watching the glee revival of my favorite movie. Best. Night. Ev-ar.

Any other RHPS fans out there in blogger-land. I need an opinion. I want to do a version of columbia, but don't want to spend a lot of cash, so do I have to follow the color scheme or is doing the basics and looking wild the whole idea?
 
In other news, I weighed in today and am still at 198, so stay tuned for Ninja in Onderland photos, I have plan that will be both hilarious and artistic, you just wait. Gotta love staying under 200 even after sodas.

Bye-bye, fat clothes.

I am working late hours this week thanks in part to an assignment from the newest head honcho and also partly to help Jeeves out. He works midnights and has some sort of viral mutant head squeezing illness and I figured he'd make it through the week better if he got to sleep after work rather than before. What that translates into is getting to sleep until 8:30am, it was like heaven. Then I woke up and piled all of my too fat clothes up, took a photo of them and piled them into the guzzler and took them to the goodwill. It was a very productive morning. I am officially no longer a fat clothes hoarder.

I carved pumpkins with the Mutti and the Munches last night, and once I get my camera to stop being a whiny pita (pain in the a##), I'll post some photos. Pumpkin kept telling Mutti she wanted her pumpkin to have "hot eyes" which made no sense so we thought it would be funny to do a sexy pumpkin with "hot eyes" This irritated my pumpkin and she grabbed a book of pumpkin designs and pointed to one with flaming "hot" eyes, we understood our mistake quickly. Then she had me rolling on the floor because we were up late watching an old movie, and I used the DVR to fast forward a bit. She looked at me and said, "Mommy, you are making this difficult." I seriously couldn't breathe.

Then this happened! One seriously angry Booger
I have a confession, since this is all about accountability, I had two regular sodas yesterday. Then I couldn't sit down for like 6 hours, everytime I would try to relax my body would get so jumpy I had to just get right back up again. I havn't logged my calories yet, but will soon, I'm fairly certain I went over, by alot yesterday, but in the grand scheme of things, going over calories two or three times in 6 months, really isn't that bad. Besides I hada  good time and I deserve to have a pass day once in a while.

So it's Monday, and here's what makes me smile.
1. I made an enormous pot of chili yesterday and now I get to eat Chili leftovers all week for lunch, yum.
2. We had our first good fall storm last night. I put on my flannel jammies and drank sugar free cocoa in my kitchen watching the lightning.
3. I am finishing up my costume and will soon have dino-ninja-family photos to share with blog-land, yay!
Your Turn, Tell Me something good!

Palaver

Introduction: This post is in-cohesive.

-I have had a short story posted at the Peanut Gallery today, so if you have a minute please go check it out. Be warned, it a little warm and fuzzy, but it's about the days after pumpkin was born, so I'm allowed to be mushy.

-The butt kicking I had planned in the gym yesterday did not happen, but I kept my calories way down, so the impact should be small, hopefully I will be able to kick my butt in gear for zumba tonight.

-It's casual friday today and I am wearing my size 14 jeans at work. Yay!

-I made a chili-ish type of dish for dinner last night, it had black beans, ham, red peppers, tomatoes, cumin, chili powder, garlic, onions and othe ryummies in it. Tasted different, not really like chili but good enough to eat and low cal enough to be saved and frozen for lunches next week.

- Happy birthday to Drazil, a bit late.

-Thanks to Jeeves who let me veg and read all evening yesterday, then snuggled with me for a bit before letting me go to sleep. It's so great to have someone who enables your occasional sloth. I love that guy...

Whats the password?

New Enlgand Clam Chowder

AKA, what I had for lunch today. Select Harvest Clam Chowder, at 220 calories for a whole can it was an excellent lunch choice, and quite tasty. I'm feeling a little blah today, not bad, not good, just...eh? Hopefully some butt kicking in the gym this afternoon and a wash of accomplishemnt when laundry, dinner and dishes are tackled this evening will lend to feeling less squiffy.

I am going to be a guest poster on the Peanut Gallery Speaks tomorrow. It's pretty exciting, and a story I love sharing.

In the spirit of my eh-ness I leave you with the hilarious photo of me, along with another from our weekend excursion to the pumpkin patch. I felt like I was riding in a freaking clown car, but it made Booger pretty happy.

Losing Face

Last night rocked so hard my face literally fell off, and so when I went to work today I looked pretty rough. My stomach and I are not on speaking terms today thanks to an enormous gyro and 2 (yep count em, 2) beers. They had Sam Adams Oktoberfest on tap, soooo goooooood! My ears are still ringing... Which is actually kind of disturbing, new experience and not one I'm happy about. Ear plugs definitely in order for the next concert I attend.

The venue was a standing room only thing so about 4 hours into the evening my awesomely cute terribly uncomfortable shoe choice began to wear on me. Jeeves and I stepped outside to sit on the patio and give my tootisies a rest and when I stood up again I felt like someone had been beating my feet with a bat. So as I limped back into the concert hall I found myself in the spotlight. One guy in particular...
guy: " Hey whats the matter?"
Me: " Oh, my feet hurt, ha ha ha" (trying to make light of it, because really it's not a big deal)
Guy: "Why, whats the matter." (stepping away from the wall to come closer and offering me his hand even though Jeeves already has the other one and is doing a fine job of helping me.)
Me, " Nothing out of the ordinary..." (walking away wondering why limping invites conversations)

During a typical week today would be a workout day, however with the standing, dancing, rocking and drinking that occurred yesterday, combined with the fact that I don't like to vomit, I'm gonna skip it today I'll catch up tomorrow and Friday. But I'm pretty sure the dancing yesterday, about 2 hours of it, counts as exercise. I definitely broke a sweat .

What do you think?


Do you think 225 pound ninja in October 2009 (orange shirt) looks much different from 198 pound ninja in October 2010(purple shirt)?

Out of the Frying Pan

Tonight Jeeves and I are headed out to a concert with my BIL and SIL. We are going to see Skillet, a rock band with some christian tendencies. They rock pretty hard and so will we. We went to see them back in April at Agape Fest in Illinois, which was a christian rock festival. I am anxious to see them in a different kind of venue: smaller place, more rock folks and with a non-christian opening act, Papa Roach. I fear I may embarrass Jeeves, poor guy, he;s not very, um, effusive. I really get into music, to the point of having folks stop their cars to gape at me while I dance down the road when doing my neighborhood walk workouts.

Beside the night out I am also pretty pumped because I'm going to look kinda hot, not that I'm conceited or anything. I am just excited to put on my smallest pair of size 14 pants and have them zip with no problems. You may recall last week it was a bit of a time to get them to zip. I bought these in July and they would not zip, barely came up over my hips. Well, 2 pounds later here I am wearing the smallest pair of pants I own and not sucking in at all. (I put them on from time to time to see the non-scale impact of my new lifestyle, and when I went to button them I had this bizarre fluttering feeling in my stomach, weird huh?)

(excuse the awful shirt, I really have no excuses)
I'm not wearing these pants tonight, because they don't really say "rockstar," but they do say, "HEY! look at the girl who made it to a goal a full month ahead of her timeline!!!!" Mini celebration: bought myself a pair of pretty rockin shoes.

Quick Post

I just walked three and half miles in about an hour, I am stinky and sweaty and feel amazing!!!!

That's really all, I just felt like sharing and facebook isn't nearly as awesome as you guys!

Ninja Smooches!!!

Frohe Montag!

That's Happy Monday in German.
Today on Mrs. Ninja's neighborhood: Tell Me Something Good!
1. Dulce De Leche Skinny Cow Ice Cream Single (Z.O.M.G!!!!)

Lets pretend for a moment that I don't dream about ice cream on a weekly basis and wish there was a way I could eat it for days at a time. This stuff is amazingly good. The serving size is perfect and at 150 calories it easily works into the calorie restrictions I have set for myself. Today this, a ginormous peach and a salad were my lunch, yum!

2.Monday Morning Weigh in result: 198!!!!
Yep that 8 ounces shy of 200 last week morphed into 2 pounds under 200 this week, Hot Damn! Feeling pretty great about life today and got a 3 mile hike planned this afternoon. I could call it a walk because its around the neighborhood but my neighborhood consists of a series of 45 degree hills so it really is like hiking and I can do it in right at an hour so it burns some calories.

We went to the Pumpkin Patch on Saturday as planned and the only one who cooperated with pictures was my niece. My monsters munches were petulant and irritating, making the whole affair a nightmare for me. I love this season and hope someday that they will let us take photos of them without wigging out and being horrid. But then Booger fell asleep and Pumpkin got some chocolate milk from her grannie and dinner went much more peacefully, and deliciously. nothing like fried chicken and saucy noodles to make the world look better.