Frump-town USA

You know who lives there?

This guy
(can you see the big water stain on the front of my shirt? I was washing my hands and the sink decided to suddenly get more water pressure, whoo-pee, now I'm ugly and soaking wet, great...)

It has come to my attention that I do not own enough attractive clothes in my current size. When did my wardrobe devolve into this grannie inspired, sweater filled, frumpy nightmare? Un. Cool.

I worked out yesterday but my heart wasn't in it because I didnt have my IPOD and I work out best with great music. So I'm heading back today (avec tunage) for some more gym time. I am still feeling kind of bloated but the scale is not reflecting any water weight gain so maybe the oceans of water I've been downing have paid off.

Hope everyone else is having a better day, I'll just be sitting here damp and frumpy, waiting for some fashion cop to cite me for unessesary un-attractiveness.


Apologies, Appeals and Appreciations

Dear Ass,
I am sorry for the workout you will have to live through later today. I realize I am punishing you for my own eating indiscretions, however, in battle of me versus you, I am going to win.

Dear Stomach,
You are going to suffer today as well, we were not good yesterday and today you are getting less than 1200 calories, there's no sense in whining about it, I've said my piece...and I can't hear you growling over the IPOD so you can just cut it out.

Dear Confidence,
Thank you for getting me through the dumps I was in this morning and helping me realize what I can do to fix the problem, I'm glad you kicked depression's ass and that we are such a good team now.

Dear Left Foot,
Please try not to go numb while I am on the elliptical. I will do my best to keep you moving and change positions, but when you go numb it throws a wrench into the process.

Dear Pants,
Thank you for fitting this morning and helping me realize that copious amounts of mac and cheese momentary setbacks do not need to alter my pace or define my life. I want you to call your smaller friends and put them on notice, I'm coming...

Dear Nickel,
Thanks for the shirts, I am going to wear one of them today when I work out, I think you know which one...


Full Disclosure

List of things that happened today:
1. Breakfast pizza: 1 slice
2. 4 hour Drive Home From In-laws
3. Wet Babies in car seats an hour from home
4. McDonald's, 4 chicken nuggets, small fries, 3/4 pie (i know, I know)
5. 2 Sugar Cookies
6. Blue toilet water dumped all over the bathroom floor by Booger
7. Macaroni and cheese, lots of macaroni and cheese.

I blame hormones and the fact that the rest of the holiday was just too awesome for the laundry list of suck that happened today. May I also add that I was up till 3 AM "assisting" with a school assignment. Right, I don't have to spell out that "assisting" means I was the only one awake working on a 5-7 page paper that will be turned in for a class which I will get no credit for, right? How do I get talked into these things... lol, actually, I offered. School work has always been very easy for me and this particular family member has been out-of-his-way helpful to Jeeves and I the last two years, It was nice to be able to help him out a little.

I had an NSV this weekend. I went to Victoria's Secret and bought some new undies and they actually stocked the size I wear. I didn't have to order from a catalog, I could buy undies at the cute-undie store, WOOT!

I was very thrilled to strut my size 14 at Jeeves's family's house on thanksgiving. Only his aunt really noticed but it felt good not to be the stay-puffed cousin at the celebration. It also felt amazing when I realized that I had set a goal, and reached it, I felt good about myself all weekend. til today, today kind of stunk, big time.


Early Christmas

Jeeves gave me my big gift early this year. He bought me a new camera on black Friday and we both wanted some really great photos of Christmas this year so I got to open it early!!!

He's so awesome...*sigh*

It's a Kodak easy share 575, and it's so pretty. I got some "hold me over" tennis shoes at wally world. They were only 12 bucks so when I go to the Reebok store for my new running shoes I will not be breaking my bank.

I did a workout on a new elliptical and it was a home version rather than the gym version I am used to. The machine belongs to an aunt and has a very nice feature that allows you to plug your tunes into the machine and it plays on speakers rather than ear buds. It was alright, but the gym version is a whole lot more forgiving, I was afraid this one was going to fall over when I really got to running. Plus it did not have an adjustable incline, which is a real butt buster, and is my favorite feature of the gym version.

Last week we took our tank SUV to have the brakes checked because it been jerking when braking from highway speeds. The guys at the shop were going to charge us 800 plus dollars because they said we needed to replace all the brakes and rotors. Needless to say Jeeves and don't have 800 just lying around so we called an uncle and asked for a favor/early Christmas gift. We brought the truck to his house and he took the first brake apart and there was nothing wrong with it, we can drive another year or two on the pads and the rotors are fine. We are going to have aster cylinder checked now because it is the next logical step. But it just made me so mad, why were those jerks at the shop going to replace perfectly good parts and charge us that much money? How do they sleep at night?


The Sweet Smell

Of Success, I bet you thought I was going to say something about pie didn't you. Hehehehe :0)

I weighed myself this morning, post-thanksgiving stuff, and found that I had dropped another 2 pounds, 193 stared up at me from the floor and I cried...for real. I lost 2 pounds in the last week and made it through a holiday remaining under my BMR for the day. I think I was crying because I realized I've done it, I have made a permanent change. I ate a small slice of pie and it was as satisfying as when I ate the whole thing. I had 4 ounces of turkey and it felt as good as when I snacked for hours on end.

At 193, I am now 39 pounds down from my starting weight of 232. I have one pound to go before I have lost 40 pounds. That's. huge.

I am going to get to 190 by Christmas, I will, and then I will be able to buy my new running shoes. Merry Christmas Feet!  I am all full of love and happiness instead of pie and stuffing, it's been a good couple of days.


Happy Turkey Day

While I realize there aren't many bloggers lurking on the Internet today I just wanted to do a short post about my favorite holiday.

I -love- Thanksgiving.

And it's not about the food, really. Mostly it's about the fact that its a holiday to be thankful. This year I am blessed to have so much to be thankful for. So in true elementary school fall play fashion I am going to tell you what I'm thankful for.

I am thankful for my children. Pumpkin and Booger make me smile and light up my world. They are hilarious, and I am proud to call them mine.

I am thankful for Jeeves. He is the butter to my toast, the batman to my robin, the rum in my coke, I love him, a lot.

I am thankful for my Mom. She is the coolest mom ever and I want to grow up to be just like her.

I am thankful for my size 14 jeans. They are the big shiny gold "look what I've done" badge and they make me feel strong and successful.

I am thankful to have a home. After a somewhat stunted journey to adulthood, I own a home. It's a mobile home, but it's mine, it's where my heart is.

I am thankful for this blog, and all of you. Your comments and support have been instrumental on this journey. I feel connected to you though we've never met.

I am thankful for my faith. It was in crisis for awhile but now fills me with calm and peace. I'm not a thumper, but I know the awesome contentment of a solid belief in Jesus Christ and how he has saved me from myself.

I'm thankful for slim fast, no joke, the creamy breakfast substitute has been a lifesaver. I believe it will become a part of my diet forever, like some people do with McDonald's... ;0)

That is by no means the extent of the things I am thankful for, but it's a good list, and I don't want to be too verbose.


Ninja Turkey

I am cooking for my family today. I am making a turkey, dressing, sweet potatoes and green bean casserole. The SIL that's coming is a vegan, so I am doing the sweet potatoes, green bean casserole, and dressing, vegan. My task, because I chose to accept it, is to make it indistinguishable to my BIL. He's kind of a turd, and I want to trick him. :0)

I do the turkey with herbed butter rubbed under the skin and then I wrap the top of the bird in bacon, yep, bacon. I saw it on Tyler Florence's show last year and the first time I made it, it was like heaven. I do two types of sweet potatoes, one with sweet stuff(splenda and cinnamon) and one with old bay seasoning and olive oil: seriously, give em a try, they are amazing. I am making the green bean casserole from scratch using silk and veggies and a cheese-ish product. I am doing a vegi-based gravy also using silk and some veggie broth and she is bringing the mashed potatoes. Hopefully she likes it.

For the actual turkey day meal tomorrow I am making sweet potato cheesecake to share with Jeeves' family, it has a sour cream sauce drizzled on top and makes me drool. Not lo-cal but if I practice restraint I will feel as though I've earned it. 

What are your holiday plans this year, anyone taking the holiday off and eating at deny's?


the post to be titled later.

I did weigh in yesterday and didn't gain. I pushed in a bunch of water yesterday and am doing the same today. Since I'm less dizzy I am going to do my gym time today and have a morning Zumba class tomorrow. I figure I can eat well and exercise and maybe shed a pound or two this week in spite of the holiday. Luckily Jeeves family also usually has some healthy options for turkey day so if I pick well and eat mindfully, I will be alright.

If you use google reader and read my crazy early black Friday post I'm sorry, I was trying out the pre-posting option and didn't do it right. I'm not sure I will have access to a 'puter this weekend.

Got a nutty day going on today, lots to do and not enough time to get it all done. I am going to peel and cut my sweet potatoes today and prepare one of the sides so all I have to do is pop it in the oven tomorrow after the bird comes out. Allen, over at AGB gave some tips on brining and I'm going to try it.


I'm All Wiggly

Okay, I did actually log the calories I consumed this weekend, I am not proud of myself however I could have done much worse. The cushion calorie deficit I built up last week more than covered the over eating and copious vodka consumption. Today I feel a little like I've just gotten over a bad stomach bug. Nothing really hurts but I feel dizzy and wobbly. I am going to focus on getting lots of water and diet Gatorade today and probably won't even clear a thousand calories. The thought of eating something more than crackers or a protein bar makes me a little queasy.

I haven't weighed in today. I don't know if I will. I'm pretty sure with the booze and salt I am retaining a few pounds of water. We'll see. If I do weigh in I'll let you know what the scale says even if its not a great number. My rings and clothes still fit, so maybe it won't be so awful...maybe

I did an hour in the gym last Friday and have every intention of getting in there again today, unless I'm still icky when quitting time rolls around.

It's Monday so I'll tell you something good. I haven't been ill yet this morning, and it's looking like it might stay that way!



I can't post much today, I'm slammed.

I have enough of a defeicit built up for the week that even if I ate lard non-stop until no more would fit I doubt I would gain this week. I have pushed in all of my water already and will keep drinking for the rest of the day. So two beers and some chips and salsa are not going to de-rail me.

I am so looking forward to tonight. It should be a very good time.


Topic of the day: Cold

Point one: Today I am cold, I brought an -extra- sweater with me to work today and I am wearing it. yup two sweaters, plus some super cushy slippers that live under my desk and a lap blanket, cause I'm cold?!?
I used to be a hottie, this time last year I came to work in short sleeves, never wore an actual coat unless it coordinated with my outfit.  I only owned gloves and scarves for when I was playing in the snow. I also weighed 250 pounds. Now, the 195lb me is freezing, all the time, I wear socks to bed for crying out loud. not. cool... well, actually...:0)

Point two: I have a cold, I am sneezing, have a sore throat and feel like the front of my face is going to explode. I hate being sick and trying to get things done. I have a crap ton of, stuff to do today. In addition to a large amount of work, I also need to clean my house and prepare for the party I am having tomorrow. Colds don't tend to hang around long in my body but they hit hard and fast, yesterday I was fine, today I feel like a I have the damn plague.

Point three: Cold water is my new best friend. The fridge in my office building has an ice machine, so frosty -lemon flavored water is going down the hatch at an accelerated rate. I feel less puffy and both of my wedding rings now will fit on the same finger, it's sort of amazing. They are very thick bands so they have never been truly comfortable on the same hand, but at least now I have the option.

Point four: still f*#king cold!

Point five: there is no point five.

Point six: um, well, I've sort of run out of things to say about cold.

P.S. I am trying to up my commenting on other blogs, I had been lacking in this area. I can only comment from home sometimes, and its difficult because of some bizarre formatting nightmare with my computer. I try to spend a while doing it during my lunch break, but I'm sorry if I've neglected anyone. Also if I'm not a follower on your blog, please let me know, I am all about reciprocation.


What would you do?

for a Klondike Bar? ice cream sandwich? plateful of oreos? couple of beers,? order of nachos?

Turns out I would do alot of working out, I have a good time planned with some girlfreinds on friday night and will be spending the next few days watching my calories like a hawk and the next few afternoons hitting it in the gym and on the pavement to build up a big enough deficit to enjoy the festivities. I have no intention of eating all of those things, or of being a drunken fool, but I decided a good time was well worth a few days of restraint.

I made some chicken gyros last night for dinner, not exactly like the Greek treat I love, but similar enough that my craving has been satisfied. I typically eat mine with a fork and knife anyway so the change in ingredients didn't bug me at all. I took an Arnold sandwich thin, topped it with onion, tomatoes, 2 ounces of chicken I cooked on the stove top with a bit of olive oil and some Greek seasoning, and my homemade tzaziki. Well, not exactly tzaziki but close enough for me, I took fat free plain yogurt, added a cucumber, three cloves of garlic and some salt and pepper. It was delicious, and Jeeves who typically is not culinarily adventurous, even enjoyed them, so score! Plus at around 300 calories for one gyro, I could technically chow down on two of them and have stayed under my cals for the meal. I still have some tzaziki left over, so I think I am going to grill some veggies tonight and see if a veggie gyro strikes my fancy, sounds promising.


Leggo my Pretzels

that's what she said...

Giving them up today, I need a period of abstinence from the pretzels. I have been choosing to eat them in lieu of real food for dinner the last three days. I realize this is not a healthy calorie intake and I would benefit from a break from the salty, crunchy, goodness...*drool*

Sorry, back on topic, no more pretzels, for at least two weeks. This is my word and as such is beyond contestation, (hey, where did that line come from?)

Do any of my fellow blogger buddies ever look back through the rolls and wonder where all the words come from? I don't think I'm all that wordy in real life, but maybe I'm not such a good judge. I am constantly amazed that people are interested in what I have to write. I lost two followers this week, hope I didn't do anything to offend. If I did, please accept my apologies.

I'm going to try a video later in the week. I love seeing people's faces when they talk, it makes the blog entries that much more interesting because I can picture expressions when I'm reading.

Wait for it....


You could have knocked me off the scale and I wouldn't have noticed. I sort of stopped breathing had a moment of zen.


Not so super lo-cal night

After my post, and leaving the office I met mom at Denny's and we had food, kept under 1700, but did get good food, eggs, potatoes, chorizo, cheese. Worth every calorie I tell ya. Funny enough, I joined Allan's water chugging challenge and the number of calories I allotted myself at the begining of this journey, 1700, is the amount I should be eating according to his calculations.

I did a fly lady thing last night and cleaned my dishes before bed. Again I was surprised by the feeling that washed over me while getting my morning glass of water from a clean sink, it was so nice. I am typically no good at keeping to schedules but I am going to try to make this habit, whats that theory, if you do something for 21 days it becomes a habit, I'll have to make a calendar for my fridge.

Had another pants incident yesterday, luckily no one was watching but having your drawers drop when you stand up is slightly disconcerting whether people are around or not. Also having an underoo issue, they are all too big as well, Guess I'm going to have to treat myself at one of the pre-Christmas sales at VS (a total hardship right?) I am a firm believer that pretty undies always make your day a little better.

I am going to weigh in today, I don't think the scale will have moved significantly but, I'll report back if it does.


Crunches and Books

I went to the gym yesterday and spent and hour there. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical finishing about 2 miles, and then did a variety of other work-out type things including about 50 crunches using resistance bands. I had not done many crunches during my workouts in the past but felt like it was tummy toning time and felt pretty great when I finished them. I was very surprised when at about 3 this afternoon this awful, sore, presidential fitness test from high school feeling came over me. Now every time I laugh, sneeze, catch a leaping toddler, or get up out of a chair I cringe in pain. I don't like this feeling, so I'm gonna do more crunches tonight, maybe not 50 but if I keep it up eventually it will hurt less, yes? I want to be able to show of my (future) tattoo and (current)navel piercing at the end of this journey so crunches are required.

I may have mentioned in the past that I shop a lot at the local resale shops. The goodwill is great for books as well as clothing. I'm no good at being a responsible library patron so the 70 cent paperbacks at the goodwill are much more my speed. I have been very into what I call the "Pink Books" recently. These are books written by women for women about things like breakups, dead spouses, love, betrayal and being called fat in public. They often are paperback, and have pictures of legs, arms, torso's, hands, never faces and usually something on the cover is pink, hence the name.  The most recent one I picked up is called "Good in Bed" by Jennifer Weiner. I'm about a quarter of the way through it and have found a kindred spirit in the main character. She's a writer and lives in the city, and she says things about her self like she was "hit with the fat stick." She witty and hilarious and gives an insight into a person with weight issues that you don't often see in books. The book talks about the emotional reasons for her weight without blaming them for her current situation.  Since I don't yet know how it ends I really can't recommend it yet, but it's had a good start and I feel so connected to this person already.


I Can Smile at the Old Days

What up my Ninja's!

Ha! that sounds funnier when you hear it in my mid west white girl voice, :0)

I had a high school flashback while sitting at my desk today. I am sitting here having a bit of breakfast, protein bar and water (exciting, I know) and a song from the Romeo and Juliet soundtrack came across the shuffle of my IPOD on the radio here on my desk. I started singing along and had this very clear memory of being 19 and listening to this song in the basement of my best friends house, sitting on her parents horrid ugly orange couch and drinking my very first screwdriver. The memory caught me by surprise, made me smile and also made me remember that was the year I was the thinnest I've ever been as an adult.

I was a size ten that year, dating jeeves, in my sophomore year of college and working full time. I was probably around 155-60 pounds. Looking back I see how I lost the weight then as a un-intentional version of what I am doing now. In spite of the screw driver I was not a big drinker, and I ate from the school cafeteria, deli sandwiches and salads because they had those to go. I was always on the go, working 40 plus hours a week and 18-21 hours of classes as well. I don't remember thinking much at all about how I looked, I wore jeans, t-shirts and hoodies every day. Funny how looking back now I can see how great I looked. Why is it that we never see the great until it's gone?

I still own a t-shirt or two, and a few pairs of jeans from that year. My final goal in this journey is to get to 160 pounds, I wonder if they will fit again when I get there. I wonder if I will forget to remember the great when it comes back. Will I be able to keep this going, will I gain again? I tend to think not, but I bet that everyone else thinks the same thing.

My current loss is 36 pounds which means I am smack in the middle of this weight loss journey. I have 36 left to lose and feel like the next three months are going to be harder than the last six have been. However I also feel like if I do it, I will have beaten the fat, made the permanent change. I already surprise myself with food choices and the way my head works, perhaps it means I can sustain the loss.

I am going to stay in my pajamas for most of the weekend. I am going to use the time to catch up on some work, do a few walks, work on cleaning out the spare room and get started on the great gift-craft extravaganza. Anyone else have something great going on this weekend? 

P.S. I am making a charm bracelet to commemorate my weight loss. I am forming the charms out of polymer clay and attaching them to a beaded bracelet I have made. I searched and searched online but could not find anything like this on etsy or other websites. My question is, how many of you would be interested in something like this. I am looking for a way to market my craftiness and think I may have run across something no one else is doing. I have heard that WW does key-chains, tops does bracelets, but what about those of us not following a program? I think we should have a way to wear our pride in our accomplishments as well. Opinions?


Props to Allan

While I have not joined the challenge on Almost Gastric Bypass, I have been drinking 100 plus ounces of water everyday for the last week. I decided it was worth a try. My Thursday weigh-in today proved that the water is paying off. I am down to 196! That's 36 pounds since May 17th!!! and 2 pounds in the last week!

I really don't have much else to say, just really, really, having a way better day today then yesterday...

Happy Headache Hangover

Yay for alliteration! However today I am happy because I do have a slight twinge of queasy which is the sure sign that this headache has packed it in. So whoop-de-doo headache gone!

Now I sort of feel drained and groggy. But that's better than the alternative.

I'm wearing some questionable pants today. They are a brand called Bitten and are much more tailored then I am typically used to wearing. Almost every pair of pants I wear has boot cut or at least straight legs, these are tapered. They don't look bad but I feel, weird. I should really hush about the damn pants, yeah, I'll shut up now.

This weeks intended workout extravaganza did not happen because of the demon in my head, so starting tonight if the upset stomach settles, I'm going to start over. Luckily I've been in so much pain I've been unable to eat much, so the damage of no exercise has been minimal. I may not lose this week, but I probably won't gain either.

I need to apologize to Erin, I forgot to send her apron to her and it is now in the mail. Please forgive me.


Have You?

It's Wednesday and I'm supposed to makes some wishes but my brain hurts too much to wish, here's some have you's?

Have you ever gotten so busy, frantic and behind that you just start to feel dumb? Like nothing you do or say makes sense anymore and why don't the people around you notice that you are a great big lunatic? You realize that there's nothing to do but to do it, but you have no clue where to start, what to ignore, or what shoe is going to drop next. And when you start getting it together you find that you have to out yourself and in telling folks that things are done you are really tattling that you didn't do them sooner?

Have you ever held your child and realized that nothing ever felt as right as that baby feels in your arms? First thing in the morning, fresh out of a Johnson's baby scented bath, eating cheerios while coloring on the kitchen floor; it doesn't matter what is going on, it's the most important thing in the world if it's you and your babies. The cool softness of their cheeks, the clinging monkey embraces, knowing that you are their world because you remember your own parent being yours?

Have you ever had a head-ache for so long that you've forgotten what it feels like to not have a gremlin feeding glass into a wood chipper inside your head. It hurts so intensely for so long that you start to clench your teeth and scrunch up your face inviting all sorts of new agony. When the moment you wake up you are breathless hoping it will have broken during the night, only to discover that, no, it's still there...yeah...were in day 5 here, if it doesn't break soon I am going to the ER, this shit ain't normal.

Have you ever wondered how you will handle the next big tragedy that hits your life. Time draws out and you know it's coming, to whack you in the face and steal your breath when you least expect it. But you think about how you will cope and then chastise yourself, feeling guilty, because if you are imagining it does that mean you want it to happen? Or how will you look at yourself in the mirror if your shot in the dark fear turns out to really be what happens?

Sorry I'm such a downer today, guess I'm not getting enough sun after all.



So I've been moving around in the world with a migraine-ish headache that will not loosen up. Today it migrated to my face and every expression now causes agony. I think it's stress, and today will not get any better. I am wearing sunglasses inside my office, becuase the light makes me want to throw up. I am going to find a stay home sitter tonight. Did you ever do that? Ask someone to come help you watch your kids so you could take a nap? Well, it's not a bad idea. 

In spite of the headache I did manage to get quite a bit done last night. Many of my gifts this year are going to be hand sewn so last night I spent the evening at my kitchen island cutting patterns. I think they lie to you when they say that things are 1 hour projects, cause they don't count the time out spend cutting out the patterns. I hate cutting patterns. Mutti is always so amazed when I make things without using patterns, I try to tell her that it's really just a testament to my laziness, that not using a pattern is just a way for me to cut corners, but she still thinks it's cool.

In spite of my love of the craft I am not crocheting much this year, just a set of golf club covers and two pairs of slippers, and those will be done next weekend. Before I flood you with photos of the yule-tide preparations, is anyone interested in seeing the stuff I'm making? Of course I can't post the blank for my SIL (bet you thought I'd tell) or the blank for Mutti (he,he,he) but I can post a lot of what I do if Y'all want to see it???


Unneccesary Decibels

Jeeves' friend brought his little girl over to our house to play with the munches during the Dude-fest last night. I like the young-un, but it seems as though the addition of one child into the mix of my house created a level of noise I did not think three little girls could attain. Cripes, my head is pounding today. It made me wish it was light outside and I could kick them all out into the yard and let them run and scream till they fell over.

But then Pumpkin was so tired she feel asleep on the floor waiting for me fold a load of towels from the dryer that had been dumped on the bed. When I picked her up to put her in bed, she hugged me and said, "Mommy I love you, I'm just to tired" I think it was the first time she ever actually admitted she was tired. I should write this down in her baby book.  

It's only 9:30 and my head hurts, a lot. Sometimes I get these headaches that just make me ill. From what I've read about migraines, that' what they are, but I've never been diagnosed, so I'm not sure. It feels like my entire head is being squeezed and my eyes are going to explode, my jaw hurts, I'm nauseated, okay, okay, I'll stop bitching, it's just really difficult to complete menial tasks when you feel as though you are in the middle of an aneurysm.

With Halloween down and Thanksgiving fast approaching I am in full-craft mode. I cleaned out the craft room/office yesterday and organized my supplies to prepare for the great sewing adventure that awaits me. I am making gifts for almost everyone on my list this year, I love handmade Christmas, I am trying to show everyone how much I love them because I can't spend a lot of money, but I can spend my time, making something for you, showing you that you are important.  On the docket for gifts this year, charm bracelets, sewn treasures, puppet show kits, blankets, sweaters, and a grand shawl for a player to be named later.
Does anyone else do home-made gifts?

What makes me smile this Monday?
My kitchen was clean before I went to bed last night, I washed every dish, dried and put it away, I wiped down the counters and returned everything to it's place. When I walked in there to retrieve lunch on my way to work today I felt pleasantly surprised and weirdly peaceful because of the non-chaos I found, I am going to see if I can keep this up. The good feeling is so worth the 15 minutes of effort.


Great Pasta.

Tonight Jeeves had a dude-fest at our house, football, wrestling, and more testosterone than I am typically capable of dealing with. But these are good guys, they are nice to me and speak well of my cooking, which makes me love them a lot. I made food and played hostess and a good time was had by all thanks to my Bacon Cheeseburger Pasta. Don't make any mistakes, this is NOT healthy, it's made with bacon, grease, cheese and pasta. I didn't feel bad about having a small bowl of it though, I planned for this decadence and I enjoyed every cheesy lovely bite...

I've kept my calories down every day this week, but my exercise has been lacking. So, with some bone in my back and the knowledge that exercise makes me less stressed an better able to deal with the non-sense I am going to have at work this week, I am renewing my resolve and getting back in to my workout groove.

This week the weather is going to be pretty nice so my plan is be out in the sun enough to keep a smile of my face until friday.   How about all of you, what's your plan for this week?


Someone Else's Pants

You know that saying about walking a mile in someone else shoes? I think I prefer walking in someone else's pants. Shoe sizes, unless you have had a baby, don't change much as a person gets older. Pants sizes however, can fluctuate wildly. I recently received two pairs of pants from a friends at work. She said she doesn't wear them and they are a bit tight. I could tell when she gave them to me that she was feeling sad that she couldn't wear them anymore, even though I know she is my friend and is happy that I'm losing. I am wearing them today and feeling a bit sad for her, a bit happy for me, and a bit philosophical about pants in general.

I saved my biggest pair of jeans from the great fat-clothes exodus, I thought it would make a great before and after picture. But I am remembering when I was shopping for those pants, the awful sinking feeling of having to buy yet another, bigger item of clothing because other things just didn't fit anymore. I remember grabbing them off the rack and taking them into the fitting room, praying they would be too big. And then, when they fit perfectly, hoping people would never ask me what size I was, I don't like to lie, but it hurts a little to admit to people, like my Mom, that you have gained that much. I used to ask for clothing at Christmas, but in past years I've been asking for jammies and saying, just get me a 2X, they always shrink and I like them big anyhow.

Since I shop almost totally resale, it always took me awhile to get a wardrobe I really liked because things would trickle in a piece at a time. I am so happy that I get to go and buy smaller clothing, but at the same time, I spent a lot of time buying those fat clothes, finding things that made me feel attractive even though I was overweight. Each time I try on something that used to fit and is now too big, I have this incredibly confusing mash-up of emotions, Yay! I"m still losing, Crap! there goes another thing I really liked.

I shop retail, so I'm always wearing what used to be someone else's pants and I have started thinking about the reasons the pants end up at the Goodwill. Was this person unhappy with what I think are awesome pants? Were they gaining weight? Did they lose weight? Why did I end up with these pants? Whose pants am I wearing?

Whatever the reason, and whoever owned the pants before, I am glad they are mine for now, I'm glad to be walking in these pants, seeing the world from this perspective. I hope someday I can pass them along to someone else who needs to take a walk in my pants for a while.

size 14 -1
Me Today, in size 14


Tag! You're It

So My good Buddy, The Fat Mom, sent me a challenge and I'm going to answer.

The rules of this game are to answer these questions and then ask 4 different questions of 4 other folks, so here we go.
1. If you had a penis for one day, what would you do?
-I would probably pee standing up once, and spend all day just looking at it, cause lets face it, those things look strange.
2. What would your pornstar/stripper name be and why?
-Boo Snugga, cause that's the goofy nickname Jeeves gave me for about a week after we watched a hilarious movie with Steve Martin and Queen Latifah.
3. If you would never get caught, what illegal activity would you participate in?
-The thing is none of them really appeal that much to me, but if I had to pick, I'd say racketeering, because it sounds like an evil game of tennis.
4. If you could change a part of your past, what would it be?
-I'd have gone to school and learned a skill as well as a degree. My education was expensive, but not as useful in the real world as I would like it to be.

So I'm Asking
Randy at The Low Band Width Diet
Dr. Fat to Fit
Laurie at Feeling Good Inside and Out
Shanilie at Losing Over Half of Me

The Questions are as follows.
1. What's your guilty pleasure food?
2. How often do you look at yourself in the mirror, be honest.
3. What habit bothers you the most? (think chewing with mouth open, blowing nose at the table, etc)
4. What is your favorite Christmas song.

Okay I had an NSV this week, here I'll show you....
My left hand last week
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My left hand this week.
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My Wedding ring fits again!!! I have huge hands, they are like man hands, long thick fingers, which are good for doing things, but not really very lady like. My ring is a size 7, and it fit when we bought it, and up to about 2 years ago.  It's still a bit tight and when I've had too much salt it twinges a bit, but it goes on and comes off, Huzzah!



My 100th Post, Holy Cow!!!

I had been suffering from some "diet drift" I was going right up to my total calories for maintenance and not really paying attention to the veggies and lean proteins. I wasn't eating like I wanted to gain, But I wasn't eating to lose either. I work in Human service and we are studying a new way of looking at "incidents." I have found that this applies to me in my dieting.

When incidents happen and people get hurt, you have to figure out why. The new approach we are studying is called Just Culture and one of the things it speaks about is "at risk behavior" Which is when people start to take shortcuts, ignore safety regulations and then something happens, and suddenly everyone sort of snaps back into shape for awhile, until a bit of time passes and the drift begins again. Just Culture talks about finding ways to reduce this "at risk behavior" ways to prevent the drift, internal checks, new policies, recognizing and addressing the risky behaviors, before something awful happens

I believe that I was engaging in "at risk behavior" last week, and now am working to put some new "Non-Fat Ninja Policies" in place in my life. I have identified to risky behaviors, they are...
1. Change in routine: This causes me issues because I typically do not plan ahead and when I find myself out with no good food, I buy fast food. (which is not as good as I remembered, so maybe it's a good thing I had some last week, now I won't crave it)
2. Poorly Budgeted Food Funds: I had a few unexpected things come up last week which cut into my fresh fruit and veg money, so we're going to try to prevent that in the future.
3. Trigger Foods in the house: I do very well when there are lots of good options and less awful ones. There was regular soda and baked goods in my house last week, both trigger foods for me, I tend to keep going back for them.

So the NFNP's are going to be thus:
1. Better planning when changes in routine are anticipated, of course I can't catch them all, but I can do better than I did.
2. New envelope for food funds, and since there is a big fridge at work, making a list of work foods for me; to ensure I have fruit, yogurt, sandwich thins and laughing cow for lunches at work.
3. Keeping trigger foods either out of the house, or frozen so immediate snacking cannot occur and I'll be forced to think about it before deciding to un-thaw something(weird, but this really works for me)

Do you have any food policies to keep yourself from drifting?


And now, before your very eyes.....

The woman who doesn't shrink at all...
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Do you see a difference? The first is last halloween and the second is a week or two ago. It's hard for me to see one, but the jacket wouldn't fasten last halloween and it went with the rest of the fat clothes last week because now it looks silly on me because it's so big.


Happy Monday all.

You will be happy to hear that I resisted all but one piece of halloween candy! I found that even though I had calories left in my day, I didn't even really want it...It was sort of amazing.

I ended up only getting one really awful photo of my Robin costume, So I'll get pictures again, ones that don't stink. I am going to post a few of the photos from trick'or'treating, but they really good ones are on mom's camera so I'll get those up later this week.

Pumpkin and Booger (holding hands, zomg so cute!)
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Me And Booger
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Jeeves and Booger
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I know Mom got some good ones inside, and one of the whole dino family. I am already thinking about what we are goin to be next year. I think we will be either the cast of Alice in Wonderland, or Bugs.

Since it's Monday, I'm gonna tell you something good.
I don't want to eat halloween candy, I don't crave it, desire it or even think I could eat more than one peice if it was offered, Hot Damn!!!
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