You know that saying about walking a mile in someone else shoes? I think I prefer walking in someone else's pants. Shoe sizes, unless you have had a baby, don't change much as a person gets older. Pants sizes however, can fluctuate wildly. I recently received two pairs of pants from a friends at work. She said she doesn't wear them and they are a bit tight. I could tell when she gave them to me that she was feeling sad that she couldn't wear them anymore, even though I know she is my friend and is happy that I'm losing. I am wearing them today and feeling a bit sad for her, a bit happy for me, and a bit philosophical about pants in general.
I saved my biggest pair of jeans from the great fat-clothes exodus, I thought it would make a great before and after picture. But I am remembering when I was shopping for those pants, the awful sinking feeling of having to buy yet another, bigger item of clothing because other things just didn't fit anymore. I remember grabbing them off the rack and taking them into the fitting room, praying they would be too big. And then, when they fit perfectly, hoping people would never ask me what size I was, I don't like to lie, but it hurts a little to admit to people, like my Mom, that you have gained that much. I used to ask for clothing at Christmas, but in past years I've been asking for jammies and saying, just get me a 2X, they always shrink and I like them big anyhow.
Since I shop almost totally resale, it always took me awhile to get a wardrobe I really liked because things would trickle in a piece at a time. I am so happy that I get to go and buy smaller clothing, but at the same time, I spent a lot of time buying those fat clothes, finding things that made me feel attractive even though I was overweight. Each time I try on something that used to fit and is now too big, I have this incredibly confusing mash-up of emotions, Yay! I"m still losing, Crap! there goes another thing I really liked.
I shop retail, so I'm always wearing what used to be someone else's pants and I have started thinking about the reasons the pants end up at the Goodwill. Was this person unhappy with what I think are awesome pants? Were they gaining weight? Did they lose weight? Why did I end up with these pants? Whose pants am I wearing?
Whatever the reason, and whoever owned the pants before, I am glad they are mine for now, I'm glad to be walking in these pants, seeing the world from this perspective. I hope someday I can pass them along to someone else who needs to take a walk in my pants for a while.
Me Today, in size 14