Have You?

It's Wednesday and I'm supposed to makes some wishes but my brain hurts too much to wish, here's some have you's?

Have you ever gotten so busy, frantic and behind that you just start to feel dumb? Like nothing you do or say makes sense anymore and why don't the people around you notice that you are a great big lunatic? You realize that there's nothing to do but to do it, but you have no clue where to start, what to ignore, or what shoe is going to drop next. And when you start getting it together you find that you have to out yourself and in telling folks that things are done you are really tattling that you didn't do them sooner?

Have you ever held your child and realized that nothing ever felt as right as that baby feels in your arms? First thing in the morning, fresh out of a Johnson's baby scented bath, eating cheerios while coloring on the kitchen floor; it doesn't matter what is going on, it's the most important thing in the world if it's you and your babies. The cool softness of their cheeks, the clinging monkey embraces, knowing that you are their world because you remember your own parent being yours?

Have you ever had a head-ache for so long that you've forgotten what it feels like to not have a gremlin feeding glass into a wood chipper inside your head. It hurts so intensely for so long that you start to clench your teeth and scrunch up your face inviting all sorts of new agony. When the moment you wake up you are breathless hoping it will have broken during the night, only to discover that, no, it's still there...yeah...were in day 5 here, if it doesn't break soon I am going to the ER, this shit ain't normal.

Have you ever wondered how you will handle the next big tragedy that hits your life. Time draws out and you know it's coming, to whack you in the face and steal your breath when you least expect it. But you think about how you will cope and then chastise yourself, feeling guilty, because if you are imagining it does that mean you want it to happen? Or how will you look at yourself in the mirror if your shot in the dark fear turns out to really be what happens?

Sorry I'm such a downer today, guess I'm not getting enough sun after all.


Randy said...

Hi there,

I'm not feeling myself either, but I think it mostly has to do with my job outlook and basically (and at least temporarily) hating what I do and wishing I was a lumberjack or something that didn't require working with kids... ugh.
I'm sorry you have the never ending migraine. I don't know too much about them, but I don't think it would hurt to see a physician about it.

Hope you're feeling better soon!

Roxie said...

I'd go to the doctor at least, if not an ER. If anything they can at least give you a shot of the good stuff to make the pain go away.

You've lasted 3 days longer than I would have, and I'm an expert migraine sufferer!

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