Steel Working Woman

Lets be very clear, I despise oatmeal. The gummy, gooey, wallpaper paste, non-flavor of oatmeal gives me the creeps.
Don't. Like. It.
I always have and in spite of it's purported health benefits, I have been unable to find a way to enjoy it, up till now.

However I was intrigued by the steel-cut (or Irish) oatmeal I kept seeing in the stores and online in various recipes covered in nuts, fruit, granola and other yummies. Who wouldn't want to eat something that looks so delicious.

So, with adventure in my heart and an empty stomach I planned breakfast. Last night I mixed up a half cup of milk, a quarter cup of oats and some vanilla yogurt. I let it sit over night and this morning packed up s tablespoon of grape-nuts, a banana and some peanut butter along with my bowl of oat soup and headed to work. I sliced the bananas, put in a dollop of peanut butter and mixed it all together with hope that I hadn't made a terrible mistake.

This peanut butter...there are no words....

Turns out, it's pretty great. If it keeps me full for as long as the inter-webs tells me it will, I feel like it will be a good morning food option. I'm trying to get to the point where I am eating the proper servings of foods that are good for me and not trying to pack a huge bulk of low cal, low nutrition food into myself and hoping to feel full enough to avoid shoveling crap into my face.  We'll see how it works.

Food is Fuel!

Verbal Vomit

or, more accurately written emesis. As someone who thrives off of sharing and writing, this hiatus has been rough on my internal communication. There was really no other option, I couldn't have found time to write even if I had felt the urge to do so, but I acutely feel the lack of creativity and it's impact on me. As well as not writing, I wasn't crafting, or really cooking all that much either. After yesterdays super bummer post, I got a call from a friend who was mildly concerned about my emotional well being. Be assured...I am fine.

I have been holding lots of things in. I've been doing a lot of praying, a lot of quiet time and a lot of appearing to be just fine. What I haven't been doing is working through the guilt, sadness and concern about the new direction my life is taking. When I'm working I have the ability to process my emotions away from my kids, in the car, at lunch, in the bathroom. Sometimes you just need to have a good cry and get it out. When you don't it's like a bruise that won't heal; you just keep poking to see if still there and avoid letting anyone else touch that spot.

Well, I've got a few bruises. I have been avoiding the hard feelings because I wasn't sure how to deal with them while being the sole caretaker of my kids who are very affected by my moods. So let me apologize now for the stuff I will be putting out there for the next little while. I'm frazzled and working through getting all of the garbage out. It will ultimately lead to the funny, happy, sardonic programming you may be used to.

I have so many wonderful stories to tell about my new little guy Jammer, Doodle the non-talker, Sunshine's speed reading and Pumpkin's endless campaign for a four legged fuzzy friend.

They really are amazing kids, and they really do drive me bonkers. I promise not to linger too long in the land of pity parties and fat soup, I just need to get it all out of my head.

Starting Over

I've been working in the human services field for almost my entire adult life. I don't really know anything else. I know the acronyms, the processes, the limitations and the triumphs. I have spent holidays, birthdays and major life events with a company that I am no longer allowed to even visit. It's a little heartbreaking.

The worst part about it, is that it was my own fault. I was not paying attention. I could say I'd just had a baby, or it was a holiday, or I was overwhelmed...all of which are true, by the way. But I could just as easily say that I was lazy and distracted and pretty sure that I'd never get caught...also all true.

I lost a job that I didn't really want and I put my family into a period of hardship that I was unprepared for. The guilt was terrible. I'm pretty sure that if I'd had insurance and could have gone to the doctor, I'd have been diagnosed with depression. It was hard to get out of bed some days. I slept for hours and was still tired, and I felt worthless. In my intellectual mind I realized that I am not worthless, but it was hard to shake the blues. I felt like if I hated that job and felt like it the tasks were not hard and I still couldn't do it well enough to keep it, there must be something really, really wrong with me.

Fast forward to today. I feel a little better. I still have days when the new commute and the cost of parking and the time away from my kids makes me a little weepy. I still have days where I hate that my new job equals way more time away from them than I feel is acceptable. I still wonder if I'm going to be good at this job the way I wanted to be at the other one.

My new job is with a software company. I am a tech support analyst and I guess in computer terms you could say that I have had an update installed. Ninja's Life 2.0 - Starting Over.

Holy Radio Silence Batman!!!

Alright I've been gone for awhile so here's a short rundown of my last three months

2/2/14: Got fired from my job
2/3/14: got depressed and watched TLC for two weeks
2/14/13: I'm too broke to afford valentine's day!
3/17/14: Saint Patty's Day Parade with munches
4/6/14: Ran a quarter of a marathon - plan to do it again.
4/14/14: Found a new job
4//20/14: Easter with the family
4/21/14: Started New Job.

I'm going to try because I'm fat again and I miss everyone, but let's be honest, it's hard.

-Nellie

Missouri Walmart = Inner Peace?

I physically need to window shop.

I realized this over the weekend when I was stuck indoors and unable to get out until about 9:30 Tuesday morning. It was rough few days. Then yesterday before I went home I stopped by the store to buy formula and some running shoes and found myself aimlessly walking through the store, unwilling to leave because being up and walking and not looking at the same 6 rooms was a lovely break from the winter sequestration that had been my reality.

I felt so much better after 45 minutes of movement that I nearly cried when i finally got back out to the car. I didn't buy much but the feeling of being alone, not at home, not at work and moving around was so calming, so apparently wandering around Walmart is part of my Zen.

Who knew.

Parental Irony: Volume 1

So as I was nursing my 3 month old this morning when he woke up about 30 minutes before my alarm was set to go off, I had some thoughts and feelings; I figured I'd share.


Why is it, when I have no place to be and can sleep in, my almost 2 year old wakes up at the crack of dawn whining for a cu-cu-cu-cu-cu-cu-cu ( for those of you not in the know, that means he wants a drink)

Why is it when they don't have school, my girls will go to bed when i tell them and fall asleep in 10 minutes but when class is in session I basically have to threaten to bust the WiiU with a hammer to get them to shut their faces and close their eyes. (I'm in the next room and i still hear you TALKING!!!!!, that's it, where's the tool box!!)

Why is when I don't get to sleep until late, and have to be up early, my infant decides to be hungry every hour, on the hour. OR even more irritating, wake up and be all hungry/happy awake an hour before I needed to get up to start the day? (cripes kid, don't you realize how much your existence depends on my sanity?)

Why is it when we are late for school my daughter suddenly are so hungry their legs won't work and we miss the bus, yet on the weekends when I have a little more time to play short order cook they want to eat granola bars and pop tarts? (Mornings like this I feel like Goldie Hawn in Overboard, "I said MOVE!!!")

Why is it that my son feels the need to whack me in the head as a way to wake me up? I pretended to be asleep the other day to see if the was his last resort but no he goes from awake alone to beating me in order to meet his morning meal and beverage needs. (dude, enough already)

Why is it that when it's gorgeous outside the kids want to be inside watching TV but when it's 15 below they're all stir crazy and begging to be released outdoors. (sure kid, go ahead, I'll come collect your frozen body in 10 minutes when you've become a kid-sicle)

I was stuck in my house from Friday afternoon until Tuesday morning. I did every stitch of laundry in my house and then started cooking. Needless to say the diet got a tad derailed in the midst of the cookie,cake,soup,pasta and bread that happened in my house over the last four days. Esh.

However, now that I have the funds and the ability to leave the house, I'm headed to the gym this afternoon to get my membership going and start training for the marathon relay in April. I bought myself a t-shirt to decorate and have new shoe and legging plans for later this week provided the weather permits a non-essential shopping trip.

New Year, Same Old Me

I don't mind being the same old me, after all there are a few people who like that girl. She is sarcastic, a good cook and a constant wreck, which i guess means she is pretty real.

This week I am clearing out my cabinets, working on getting the house in order and setting up a craft area for my girls where they can store the massive haul of mess making supplies they received this holiday season.

Jammer is starting to sleep mostly through the night, and I've decided that 4 ounces of formula before bed is an acceptable concession to the breastfeeding especially if it equals six hours of solid sleep.

Doodle drew on my wall with a blue crayon yesterday and while i was scrubbing it off I realized we desperately need to paint our walls, spring 2014 project? Maybe, we'll see.

Sunshine is counting the days till she gets to go back to school, she loves being there and I am going to encourage that for as long as I can.

Pumpkin has finally stopped pulling out her own eyelashes and so sometime in February I will be taking her to the build a bear store to make a new friend. We finally found things that motivate her. Build a bear and the WiiU, go figure.

I'm back to logging food and dismayed at how out of practice I have gotten at making good decisions on the fly. Soup lunches are on the docket for the remainder of the winter, that and skinny lattes should get me through to April and hopefully a successful run in my leg of the marathon.

Alright, I've got crap to do, hope you all had fun Tuesday, avoided hangovers Wednesday and are starting your new off with some good times.