or, more accurately written emesis. As someone who thrives off of sharing and writing, this hiatus has been rough on my internal communication. There was really no other option, I couldn't have found time to write even if I had felt the urge to do so, but I acutely feel the lack of creativity and it's impact on me. As well as not writing, I wasn't crafting, or really cooking all that much either. After yesterdays super bummer post, I got a call from a friend who was mildly concerned about my emotional well being. Be assured...I am fine.
I have been holding lots of things in. I've been doing a lot of praying, a lot of quiet time and a lot of appearing to be just fine. What I haven't been doing is working through the guilt, sadness and concern about the new direction my life is taking. When I'm working I have the ability to process my emotions away from my kids, in the car, at lunch, in the bathroom. Sometimes you just need to have a good cry and get it out. When you don't it's like a bruise that won't heal; you just keep poking to see if still there and avoid letting anyone else touch that spot.
Well, I've got a few bruises. I have been avoiding the hard feelings because I wasn't sure how to deal with them while being the sole caretaker of my kids who are very affected by my moods. So let me apologize now for the stuff I will be putting out there for the next little while. I'm frazzled and working through getting all of the garbage out. It will ultimately lead to the funny, happy, sardonic programming you may be used to.
I have so many wonderful stories to tell about my new little guy Jammer, Doodle the non-talker, Sunshine's speed reading and Pumpkin's endless campaign for a four legged fuzzy friend.
They really are amazing kids, and they really do drive me bonkers. I promise not to linger too long in the land of pity parties and fat soup, I just need to get it all out of my head.