Bee a Leader: My adventures in Scouting as a Mom

Okay, I'm a girl scout leader of two awesome groups of young ladies. They are fun and silly and eager to do girl scout things. I have been a girl scout for well over 20 years, I loved it growing up and I still adore the chances I get to do things with my girls. Because this is such a big part of my life, I am going to post about it from time to time. Usually it will be to outline the super cool fun stuff we have done, like going to the zoo or learning how to make our own butter (yeah, I don't want to eat that....)

This however is not a touchy-feely type of post cause...the parents. 

goodness these parents. 

I'm not going in to details, because that would be in horribly poor taste, but during the past year I have had numerous occasions in which parental non-sense has invaded my happiness and made me question my decision to be involved in scouting. So in the interest of helping any of my readers who may one day involve their daughters in this cookie hawking, badge earning, craft making nightmare... let me provide some tips. 

1. If you do not like the way the volunteer leader is doing things, you have a few options. One, offer to help. Pick a thing you feel like you can do and offer to do it. Don't just say, "if you need help call..."
Cause we won't call, we are overwhelmed and don't even know what to ask you to do...and are not sure that even if we could name a task we need help with, that you would be capable/willing/crazy enough to do it. So, decide "I can manage snacks" or "I can make phone calls" or "I will bring you tequila" and do it. The volunteer will be appreciative, especially of the tequila. 

The Second option: Shut up.  

The Third option: Think you can do it better, go ahead and try. 

2. The volunteer leader is not here to be your friend. They are here to do something fun with their child and your children. It is not called "moms' club with crafts", it's Girl Scouts. It works better if everyone gets along but creating a new life-long group of adult girl friends. I am trying to help our daughters learn how to build a fire, make lanyard key chains, enjoy camping and make their own life-long friends and I am not interested in your baby-daddy, mama-drama. I don't care if you want to be best buds, I barely have time to take a shower and you are pretty irritating, lets just be acquaintances, really.

Really. 

3. I'm going to talk food allergies for a minute. I am. But only from the perspective of someone who has been beaten over the head by a food allergy issue that I had no control over. I actually do understand food allergies, food sensitivities and other food related things. Be aware, I learned how to bake gluten free stuff, and made sure the other parents had a list of safe snacks. Now, that being said, I am NOT responsible for what other parents do, and to be angry at me because someone else didn't think about the allergy before providing a snack; is not fair. Each time the troop provides a snack, it is safe, but that's where my reach ends. Please do not yell, send hate mail or report me to the council because other mothers brought gluten filled death cupcakes.   

4. Please remember that volunteers are busy, unpaid, and human. Give them a break, they are trying. 

Steel Working Woman

Lets be very clear, I despise oatmeal. The gummy, gooey, wallpaper paste, non-flavor of oatmeal gives me the creeps.
Don't. Like. It.
I always have and in spite of it's purported health benefits, I have been unable to find a way to enjoy it, up till now.

However I was intrigued by the steel-cut (or Irish) oatmeal I kept seeing in the stores and online in various recipes covered in nuts, fruit, granola and other yummies. Who wouldn't want to eat something that looks so delicious.

So, with adventure in my heart and an empty stomach I planned breakfast. Last night I mixed up a half cup of milk, a quarter cup of oats and some vanilla yogurt. I let it sit over night and this morning packed up s tablespoon of grape-nuts, a banana and some peanut butter along with my bowl of oat soup and headed to work. I sliced the bananas, put in a dollop of peanut butter and mixed it all together with hope that I hadn't made a terrible mistake.

This peanut butter...there are no words....

Turns out, it's pretty great. If it keeps me full for as long as the inter-webs tells me it will, I feel like it will be a good morning food option. I'm trying to get to the point where I am eating the proper servings of foods that are good for me and not trying to pack a huge bulk of low cal, low nutrition food into myself and hoping to feel full enough to avoid shoveling crap into my face.  We'll see how it works.

Food is Fuel!

Verbal Vomit

or, more accurately written emesis. As someone who thrives off of sharing and writing, this hiatus has been rough on my internal communication. There was really no other option, I couldn't have found time to write even if I had felt the urge to do so, but I acutely feel the lack of creativity and it's impact on me. As well as not writing, I wasn't crafting, or really cooking all that much either. After yesterdays super bummer post, I got a call from a friend who was mildly concerned about my emotional well being. Be assured...I am fine.

I have been holding lots of things in. I've been doing a lot of praying, a lot of quiet time and a lot of appearing to be just fine. What I haven't been doing is working through the guilt, sadness and concern about the new direction my life is taking. When I'm working I have the ability to process my emotions away from my kids, in the car, at lunch, in the bathroom. Sometimes you just need to have a good cry and get it out. When you don't it's like a bruise that won't heal; you just keep poking to see if still there and avoid letting anyone else touch that spot.

Well, I've got a few bruises. I have been avoiding the hard feelings because I wasn't sure how to deal with them while being the sole caretaker of my kids who are very affected by my moods. So let me apologize now for the stuff I will be putting out there for the next little while. I'm frazzled and working through getting all of the garbage out. It will ultimately lead to the funny, happy, sardonic programming you may be used to.

I have so many wonderful stories to tell about my new little guy Jammer, Doodle the non-talker, Sunshine's speed reading and Pumpkin's endless campaign for a four legged fuzzy friend.

They really are amazing kids, and they really do drive me bonkers. I promise not to linger too long in the land of pity parties and fat soup, I just need to get it all out of my head.

Starting Over

I've been working in the human services field for almost my entire adult life. I don't really know anything else. I know the acronyms, the processes, the limitations and the triumphs. I have spent holidays, birthdays and major life events with a company that I am no longer allowed to even visit. It's a little heartbreaking.

The worst part about it, is that it was my own fault. I was not paying attention. I could say I'd just had a baby, or it was a holiday, or I was overwhelmed...all of which are true, by the way. But I could just as easily say that I was lazy and distracted and pretty sure that I'd never get caught...also all true.

I lost a job that I didn't really want and I put my family into a period of hardship that I was unprepared for. The guilt was terrible. I'm pretty sure that if I'd had insurance and could have gone to the doctor, I'd have been diagnosed with depression. It was hard to get out of bed some days. I slept for hours and was still tired, and I felt worthless. In my intellectual mind I realized that I am not worthless, but it was hard to shake the blues. I felt like if I hated that job and felt like it the tasks were not hard and I still couldn't do it well enough to keep it, there must be something really, really wrong with me.

Fast forward to today. I feel a little better. I still have days when the new commute and the cost of parking and the time away from my kids makes me a little weepy. I still have days where I hate that my new job equals way more time away from them than I feel is acceptable. I still wonder if I'm going to be good at this job the way I wanted to be at the other one.

My new job is with a software company. I am a tech support analyst and I guess in computer terms you could say that I have had an update installed. Ninja's Life 2.0 - Starting Over.

Holy Radio Silence Batman!!!

Alright I've been gone for awhile so here's a short rundown of my last three months

2/2/14: Got fired from my job
2/3/14: got depressed and watched TLC for two weeks
2/14/13: I'm too broke to afford valentine's day!
3/17/14: Saint Patty's Day Parade with munches
4/6/14: Ran a quarter of a marathon - plan to do it again.
4/14/14: Found a new job
4//20/14: Easter with the family
4/21/14: Started New Job.

I'm going to try because I'm fat again and I miss everyone, but let's be honest, it's hard.

-Nellie