What did you Expect?

Not This!

I did not expect to have the mother of all weird nose problems.

Note: when you are pregnant your body retains water, you have extra blood flow and fluids in general squishing around in you. Not surprisingly this sometimes equates to pointless congestion not caused by mucus. This type of congestion is not helped in the slightest by blowing your nose, because that only further agitates your sinus tissues and makes the sinus pressure worse. Can anyone say migraine?

I did not expect to begin producing snot like the damn Nickelodeon Gak factory. I don't understand how one body can create this much snot. Some of this has to be liquefied brain cells. People think, in part due to the look of general malaise but also because of the constant nose blowing, that I must be sick. "KEEP YOUR KIDS AWAY FROM SICKY THE PREGGO!!!" The fact that it is soon going to be spring, and I live in the allergy capital of the known universe means that this problem is only going to get worse.

Not only does my nose run all. freaking. day. long. But also, when I sleep at night, all of that awesome sinus refuse dries up and in the morning I feel like I've got the entire grand canyon inside my nose. When I was a child this was an easy thing to fix, go on a spelunking mission and pull the offending crustaceans out of there. Not such an easy fix as an adult out in the world. Yesterday, my daughter thought she was being cute and pinched my nose, it hurt so bad I almost kicked her in the throat. Seriously, a 6 year old pinched my nose and the dried crap up there cut the inside of my nose and I began bleeding. Bleeding!!! What the French?!?!

Then, I smell dead things. They don't know they are dead. They walk around thinking they are alive, but they smell dead. Oh the humanity! I never realized that a smell could do so much to my well being, but there is something in the vent in front of the loveseat in my den that makes me want to curl up and die every time the furnace runs. It's just that vent, none of the others (even though they are connected) smell bad, and it's only when the furnace is on. Jeeves thinks I've gone off the deep end, he says he can't smell anything. I closed that vent and put a big magnet on top of it because each time it turned on this combination of cat pee, death and old pizza came wafting up from the floor. It was very distracting.