Proverbs 3:5 - Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
While I was eating lunch and perusing the internet last Friday I happened upon early coverage of the shooting. I immediately started praying, for the children, for the parents, for the teachers, for the siblings, for the family of the shooter and for myself. I have spent the last three days in a half daze state, doing little more than hugging my babies and crying.
I wanted more than anything to drive to Pumpkin's school, withdraw her from the roster and never let her leave the house again, but then I remembered a few things that kept me at work and gave me some hope.
First: One of the lessons I've learned from my mother is; if trouble is looking for you, it's going to find you no matter where you hide, and you can't be afraid to live your life.
Second: (and this one came from a movie) I want to be able to explain things like this to my babies in a way that helps them to deal with the heartbreak that things like this cause. Then I remembered a quote from the movie, "Where the Heart Is" Novalee Nation: You tell them we've all got meanness in us, but we've got goodness too. And the only thing worth living for is the good. And that's why we've got to make sure we pass it on.
Third: And maybe most important, I reminded myself not to be fooled into being angry at my heavenly father over this event. The tears I shed are trivial compared to the hurt he must feel at the suffering of his children.
The thing that everyone focuses on is the "Why", and in reality we may never know, which is hard to swallow. Take it a step further, even if there was a letter telling his reasons, would that make it any easier to cope? Would those mothers and fathers sleep easier knowing the reason this person felt the need to wreak havoc on such tender victims? Probably not.
So I prayed, am praying, will continue to pray.
Please be with us during this time of sadness Help those affected to find strength, courage and peace. Help those of us, who are struggling to understand, to put our trust in you. Help us to find peace in our minds and continue to see the wonder of your love in our lives. Help us to remember to be thankful, forgiving and kind.
In your sons name,