Quick Poll: When you have hurt someone's feelings should you:

A: Defend what you've said, explain your position and give reasons why they should not be so sensitive?
B: Apologize for being hurtful to someone you care about and when everyone is calmer have a conversation about how it could be avoided in the future.


SO FAT 4 NOW said...

What did the rat bastard do ?
Oh, different blog, sorry..

Losing It said...

I think it depends on what the argument is about honestly. I can see myself doing A or B.

I know that doesn't help you at all though, so I'll just give you *hugs* and hope that it all gets worked out.

Amanda said...

First and foremost, ALWAYS apologize. Regardless of what was meant, the intent was certainly not to cause hurt so an apology for hurting their feelings is certainly in order. And never should the ubiquitous "I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings," cross one's lips. That phrase is such a non-apology and makes me so mad I'll just shut up and move on.

Oh, and don't get me started on that "Don't be so sensitive" garbage. That's strictly a deflection device to take the blame off the person who hurt the other's feelings and put it squarely on the person who was hurt. Unacceptable. I mean, we all like to defend ourselves, and it's totally understandable, but at the moment someone has just been hurt is NOT the time to do it.


Anyway, then after cooler heads have prevailed, discussing the matter, the actual intentions of whatever comment occurred, as opposed to how they were received/ perceived, is a perfectly adult thing to do on the parts of both the parties involved. And then, hopefully, that will make it so the situation doesn't repeat itself.

Erm... yeah, I have apology issues. :)

Brittany_Va-VoomVintage said...

I think it depends entirely on the argument and of course, weather or not you're sorry! If you're not sorry, you shouldn't ever apologize. But if you are, I think you should take option B (cooling off) followed by variations of option A (explaining why you feel the way you do) followed by more option B (talking about how it can be avoided in the future) and insert apologies where needed.

goddessakl said...

I agree with Brittany, I don't like to apologize when I'm not sorry, b/c then the other person might the the impression that you think you were wrong about what you said. Amanda is also right that saying "don't be so sensitive" is probably not constructive.
That being said, I think the best route is to explain yourself as clearly as possible, and then give everyone a couple days to calm down. Then talk again if you feel it's necessary.
Is this about what I think it's about? :)


The Ninja said...

The thing is that this was not about the argument. I told someone they had hurt my feelings and they responded by saying I was too sensitive and explaining why they said what they said.

My two cents: If you love someone and they tell you that your words have hurt them, you apologize for causing them pain, even if you meant what you said.

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