3/19/2011

I love you verymuchalot

That's what booger said to me last night after brushing her teeth and reading a bedtime story. I love the way my children talk, I love that they feel inspired to just run over to me and tell me that they love me. I love that they will come up to me in public places and say, "Mommy, I need a hug." Granted they are still pretty little but it makes me happy that this is the foundation they have, one of spontaneous and happy love, every day.

I think that means I'm a good mom. at least I hope that's what it means.

Things are getting a little rocky with Stinker, she is not used to being in a home where the "mom" cleans and is busy. She stands next to me wherever I am and fusses and wants me to hold her, but only for a few seconds, like she's just making sure I'll do it? It's getting really old. Yesterday I ended up sitting on the couch for about an hour because every time I would get up to do something she would chase me down and fuss at me. How do you like that, a baby who whines at me if I'm not relaxing, maybe this might not be such a bad thing.

I'm afraid to really start loving her, she too cute and has a great personality, but I'm afraid to get attached and then have my heart ripped out when she goes home. If you know me, and by reading this you come very close to knowing me, my kids are my life, they are my reason for being. It would be so easy to add her to that, but I'm trying to protect my emotions. Is that wrong?

She's also letting more of her personality out, she's thrown a few fits and been irritating the munches. She thinks it's funny when they run away to keep her from taking a toy from them. She is talking a lot more, not sure what she's saying, it's all baby babble, but I think she's calling me ne-ne. She walks around yelling it until she finds me and then she smiles and runs to me. I hope she doesn't start calling me Mom, not only will that be terrible for her own mother if she visits, but it will confuse her if she does go home at some point.

Scale said 176 this morning, the downward trend continues. I've been remiss in my gym going this last week, but that will change soon, Jeeves and I have been working out a schedule, living by the seat of our pants is just not going to work with 3 kids, 2 jobs and 1 car.

I've raised my minimum donation for the MS Mud Run, still very much looking forward to it. Thank you to everyone who has donated thus far and if you are interested in a donation, please check out the link in the sidebar of the blog.

Peace, my ninjas.

6 comments:

Brittany_Va-VoomVintage said...

Aww, that's so cute that she calls you "ne ne"! I know what you mean, I love her after only meeting her once! You're not in the wrong for trying to shut those feelings out, though. You have to do what you can to protect your heart.
I was thinking, a baby sling would probably really help when she's feeling the need to be held but she's so chunky, I think you'd end up at the doctor's office if you tried to sling that child! *lol*

Amanda said...

i can really understand how hard it must be on a person to try and not totally attach! You are doing great and you will break her of those little habits when she gets more adjusted!

You're a great mommy and it melted my heart this week when my God Daughter just wanted to cuddle with me! Hard to resist those little angels even when they are being annoying!

Amanda said...

I completely understand trying to protect yourself -- I think I'd try to do the same thing. Oh, and on the thing where she's behind you every second unless you're sitting down... my two were like that. They shrieked when I would try to cook or do housework, but were happy as little clams if I rooted myself to the couch.

It made it easy to rationalize parking myself, LOL.

Now they're more likely to nag me to get on the treadmill! Gotta love it. uOh, and today my 8-year-old told me I'm the best mommy in the world, so you've still got many, many years left where they'll adore you unreservedly. Even my 12-year-old still wants his hugs. They're good kids :)

Jacqui said...

It is totally understandable to try to not get too attached... though it's probably going to get harder as time goes by.

As far as her wanting you to pick her up.. even if it's for a few minutes... is probably because she needs to know there is some security in her life right now. Yes, kids are resilient... but they do need some security as well. Things are a bit rocky for her now.. everything has changed.. and it's her way of looking for something that is going to be a constant. I say to giver her what she asks for... and it will begin to slow down when she realizes you WILL be there when she needs you. Just my two cents.. :)

Stephanie said...

First off, congrats on that loss! Secondly, I just have to ditto what Jacqui has said. I also think giving her what she needs is a good idea and that her clinginess should change over time when she feels more secure. :)

Jennifer said...

Ninja, you are an awesome Mom!

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