If Darwin had an ounce of a clue of what he was talking about, pregnancy would start an internal chain reaction that would turn a mothers body into the immune equivalent of the incredible hulk. impervious to colds, stomach bugs and able to blast out germs simply by breathing on the children.
But no, that's not how it goes.
Let me go over the awesome that has occurred in my life for last few days.
Friday: Pumpkin waked up with a goopy eye. Just one eye, easy enough to treat but we all know that it's never that simple. So I call and get drops for her goopyness and head to my Mom's for a black Friday shopping day protest which involved corned beef (yum!) and wine (thank god)
Saturday: (very early) Jammer wakes up and has a fever and can't breathe. I give him tylenol and feed him when he cries but he never really wakes up for the whole day (cue frantic mommy). So at about 3 pm I take him to urgent care where they give him a once over and send me to the pediatric ER where they poke, prod, cath and xray my little guy to discover....nothing. They send me home and say if he gets worse to bring him back. I arrive home to find that Doodle has had a very long, very late nap and is not interested in bed time (joy) and proceed to be awakened every half hour all night by one or the other of my boys.
Sunday: after about 3.4 hours of sleep (that's cumulative, through the whole night) I get up and continue taking care of my tiny guy who feels worse than yesterday. He wakes up crying...with no sound coming out. His throat is so raw that when he gets hungry and starts squalling he cant make a sound that I can hear, although I bet the dog down the street was going biserk. Almost as soon as she got out of bed, Sunshine develops goopy eyes and her face starts getting puffy, like someone has been using her beautiful baby blues as punching bags. so she starts crying and I send her back to bed. I go to the grocery store, sans children and when I arrive home Doodle also has crap running out of his eyes. (cue mental breakdown) so I call the after hours emergency number and the nurse, who was very kind, called in a script for drops for both kids. So I'm at CVS at 8pm on a Sunday waiting for two sets of drops with a toddler who looks like a prize fighter and nursing a 9 week old who can't make noise when he cries. (winning at motherhood, right here)
Monday: Jammer's eyes begin leaking green crap, WHAT!?!? (after a short period of fetal postion crying and wailing) I call the doctor, again; and go to the pharmacy, again; and now every eye in my house is being treated with antibiotics, except mine. It's really only a matter of time until I start goobing green crap from one or both of my eyes, but in the meantime I am going to withdraw my life savings and retirement account and invest it in research to create an antibacterial bomb that will instantly sanitize the entire house.