Baby Center? We Need to Talk...

I appreciate the weekly emails about the blood flow, poundage and fruit ratio of my little bean. But the supplementary emails that tout the benefits of pernieal massage and the evils of Ramen noodles and pizza rolls are damaging to my calm.

The 5 Worst foods during pregnancy?

Apparently one of them is lettuce.

For real, at the one point in your life when your doctor ought to be shouting to the heavens if you choose salad over an extra large chocolate coated cookie sandwich with frosting in the middle, and the baby center geniuses folks say, "Don't eat iceberg lettuce...." (pause for dramatic effect here)

Let's be honest folks, if you are eating a salad while pregnant and you were not Jillian Michael's prior to becoming pregnant there is a better than average chance that salad has any (or all) of the following heaped on top: steak, fried chicken, cheese, 8 cups of dressing, fruit, candied nuts, and maybe broccoli (you know, for fiber) and possibly the tears of the innocent. Come ON!

Like anyone gives a shit about the lack of "nutrient density" of the the vegetable they have chosen as a vessel for pepperoni, ranch and black olives before they begin shoving the accompanying pizza or fettuccine into their face. (I live in Missouri, and when you get a lunch serving of pizza or pasta it is typically accompanied by a salad with pepperoni and black olives, if that's weird to you, look up IMO's; educate yourself.)

Also on this list, frozen and pre-packaged lunch items. Those time saving, sodium packed bundles of disappointment that you turn to when going out is not an option and you forgot to pack your all natural, gluten free, free range, yada, yada mc-yada. Look, no one is choosing to eat the microwave stroganoff because they looked at a pantry full of other healthier options and thought, "Yep, I'm gonna increase my risk of cancer today,"

Let's give preggo, who is already nervous about birth, concerned about that last pre-pregnancy test cocktail, and feeling guilty for not microwaving her cold cut sandwich (cause, eww), a break.

Here's my philosophy, (unless you are craving dirt, clay and cigarette butts, in which case seek help) eat some food, feed your baby and relax because there's enough other crap to worry about each day. Didn't you read about how cell phones can cause your baby to be left handed...gasp! How am I going to troll pinterest and facebook in the bathroom now?

This is week 32, bring the snark!