Being an A$$hole

So, now that I have a few blog and in town friends who are expecting, I'm going to do that thing I said not to do. Give some unsolicited advice. If you are not interested, do not read further.

1. Do not allow yourself to be constipated! During a time in your life when nothing seems to be working properly, a dysfunctional digestive tract can be the worst thing in the whole world. Drink tons of water, eat lots of fiber and if that doesn't work, take a dulcolax. The combination of pregnancy hormones and high iron in the pre-natal vitamins results in a serious lag in your system. Un. Comfortable.

2. Make sleep a priority now, work it out so you get some good rest. Every minute of the day your body is working to make a human don't let sleep get put on the back burner. Invest in some good pillows. I'm kind of a cheapskate when it comes to everything, except my pillows. Buy a new body pillow and get used to sleeping on your side. Make sure your bedroom is cool and keep a bottle of water next to the bed because all the snoring that will result from (you guessed it) hormones, will cause you to wake up with a dry mouth and throat and then have to get up to pee more times than ever in your life. I also recommend a fan, to circulate the air and create some ambient noise, which will also help your baby stay asleep when it makes it's arrival.

3. Watch your posture! It's easy to think that now that you are growing a shrimp in there that you can let that pooch hang out, resist the urge. It'll help you avoid sciatica pain and will help you feel more comfortable through the day. This also strengthens your abdominal and back muscles, which will help when you are pushing the munchkin out into the world and then trying to get your figure back afterwards.

4. Invest in some good lotion. I recommend something thick and unscented. Your skin will start to resemble sandpaper, especially if you are lucky enough to be preggers in the winter. Apply often and religiously because adding itchy, chapped, cracking skin to the list of other things making you uncomfortable is just not a good call.

5. Avoid sick folks. Normally I don't mind hanging with someone who has a cold, but when you are pregnant and can't take massive doses of amphetamine based cold remedies it takes forever to get over being sick because again, your body is making human. It's hard for a human body to process that many things at once. Digesting food, fighting a virus and building a person is a bit much to ask of one person's body. Also you need to sleep to heal from an illness and it's impossible to sleep when you are sick and unable to breathe. So wash your hands often, and avoid contact with sickies. 

6. Invest in some yoga pants. I love yoga pants (because I'm too lazy for real pants)and most offices with Bus/cas dress codes don't discriminate against knit pants. So a flowy top over black yoga pants with some flats is a comfy way to avoid the too large tent-ish maternity clothes during the first few months when you aren't really showing but still feel like regular pants are no longer as comfy as they used to be.They will also help during the "wait the kid is out, why do I still look 6 months pregnant" time that follows the birth.

7. Start collecting spaghetti strap tank tops. This is a ninja trick that I share with every one. Maternity stores across the nation make a ton of cash selling weirdly constructed nursing tops (this thing has so many flaps!) designed to keep you from bearing your still floppy, stretch marked belly to the world when feeding your kid. These tank tops are a way cheaper way to use the rest of your wardrobe and still maintain your dignity. When you go to feed the kid pull the neck of the tank top down under your bust, and pull your outer shirt up, everything but the boob is covered and you can use a simple blanket to cover that and the baby.

8. Shop resale for maternity clothes. Why in gods name do we pay through the nose for clothing that does nothing for our figures? I don't like spending money on clothes that are attractive, what would posses me to spend $40.00 on pants that don't fit properly? Um, no. You can usually find some good base pieces: black pants, brown pants, jeans and some shirts at a decent price with very little wear. Also either learn how to sew or make friends with someone with a machine because a too-big t-shirt can become a ruched, cute, flowy maternity top with some well placed elastic and about 10 minutes. (these tops can also be used for nursing and during that ugly awkward "after pregnancy" time as well, SCORE!)

That's it, my tips, for what they are worth. Also, if you are interested in up-cycling thrift store and garage sale clothes into cute maternity fashions, email me. I have a few links for tutorials that I don't have permission to post but will send to you if you want them. (Aimes, I don't know how sewing-savvy you are but I'd be happy to help you out with this if you want)

OH! and short rant for the day:
Dear Saint Charles County Officials:
              I am a pregnant mother of two, with a cold. I'm not going to cook meth with the 24 count box of Supaphed I wanted to buy today. Thanks you for making it a controlled substance that requires a prescription. I'm also not an idiot and I can buy it in Florissant (about 10 miles away) without a scrip...so can the meth heads, way to fight the good fight dumb-asses.

1 comment:

Amanda said...

I'm so tired of the meth heads screwing up my cold and allergy meds. I'm also sick of snotty little pharmacy techs glaring at me when I buy my 20-pack of Drixoral as if I'm going to use it for nefarious purposes. Yanno, you'd think the dripping nose and horiffic cough would give her a clue...

And I love that spaghetti strap cami suggestion! I could have used the heck out of that a decade or so ago, LOL. Excellent :)

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