Over The Hill

I weighed in this morning to surprising results.

182.

I have lost 50 pounds, I have 22 pounds left to lose before I hit my goal of 160 pounds. 160 is still about 6 pounds higher than the highest BMI in my normal range. But I've been 160 before, and I looked good, and if this is about me then I feel like I should be the one to decide when I'm done losing weight and what feels right for me.

I did the long workout last night, 1 hour in the gym with the biggest loser exercises and a few others, and 30 minutes of 3/1 intervals in the elliptical. Today I am sore but I have more energy and clarity of mind that makes me feel much better.  I know the real pain is coming, I can feel it in my arms and lower abs. But I feel the burn and that makes it pain for a reason.

I looked in the mirror today and was surprised by how much thinner my midsection looks than it used to. Before stepping on that scale last May, I used to stand in the mirror and suck in my stomach and fool myself that I really didn't look as big as the pictures said I did. I would do my hair real nice and wear flowing black clothes and think, sure, I'm overweight, but I'm not that big. I was a size 20 in February of last year. 232 pounds and getting bigger. I was that big.

I was that big, but not now, and not again.