99 Problems (aka: A whiny post, be warned)

 It's the beginning of a new year and rather than being filled with the hope of an awesome year full of weight loss, a potential promotion and potential crafty business. I am weary. 

I have no doubt that all of those things will occur, I will be losing weight because my ass growth has gotten out of hand. I will continue to strive for a higher position in this lovely company I work for and I fully intend to begin crocheting and felting awesomeness to try to sell in the fall for Christmas cash. 

But in the gray cold morning of January 2nd, staring down 32 and not sleeping nearly enough, I'm just dead ass tired. To my bones tired. Tired of almost everything really; of food, of my messy house, of my reprehensible wardrobe, of driving, of car troubles, of bills, of television....everything. 

I'm tired of being overly responsive to nonsense things that shouldn't bother me. How did I become super emotional girl? When did harsh words and masked criticism become something that devastates my day. Why do I feel on the edge of tears most days and incapable of moving past the mopes most days? I don't like being this girl, she's a downer. 

I'm tired of the way I look. I haaaaaaaate my hair, and my clothes and my face, all of it. I look like a corpse, and a poorly dressed corpse at that. My new job is awesome but buying new clothing for myself is not really high on the list of things in my budget, so I'm stuck wearing things that don't fit well, are stained, or are just not attractive. The not fitting well thing is my own stupid fault, I've gained back every pound and am right back where I started. It's disheartening, but apparently giant ass is a thing I'm going to have to fight against for the rest of my life. 

I'm just tired, tired in my body and in my soul. I don't sleep enough, or well, or consistently....

It's a problem. 

I got lots of problems.