In recent months I have had some time to reflect honestly about my previous job. I thought, at the time, that I was doing okay and just a little behind. But here's the thing.
That's not accurate.
I was not good at the parts of that job that were important. It was a never ending list of long term projects. I have ADD and I am not good with long term, do when you have time, but make sure it's done by this date projects. Give me a thing to do right now, I'm brilliant.
I was not brilliant.
I was behind, and scatter brained, and terrible.
And then I was depressed.
Really, actually, painfully; probably clinically, depressed. and I didn't realize it. Between the birth of my older son, and the day I was fired from my job, I sank deeper and deeper. I got to the point where doing anything was exhausting. I didn't want to leave the house. I didn't want to do anything, cook, talk to my kids....
I feel the difference now, in a way that I don't believe I could have if I had recognized it and made the choice to get medication. I feel the lightness and the certainty that I have not over looked something that is going to end my livelihood.
I don't have much more to add on that, but introspection is interesting.
And here are some babies